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Fashion
Police: The Clothes Maketh the Man
16 SEPT 07
As
I mentioned before in the Fashion Police article, some of you have
already know that I am not the best guy to ask for fashion advice.
My fashion formula is pretty much the same, day in day out and I
don’t like to wear anything flashy. Something that can merge
me with the crowd in the train would suit me best. But hey, does
that stop me from imparting my wisdom on apparel? HECK NO….
so lets proceed:P My
wardrobe is very limited. I own a stack of T-shirts and 3 pairs
of jeans. I used to buy Levis 521s but after they jacked the price
and went on par with freaking Armani, I decided to ditch it for
some lesser know brands like Amco, Lee and Tiki Baba. And instead
of shopping at Takashimaya like I used to, now I shop at the Fashion
Capital of the World (well, at least to me)... also known as Beach
Road and of course the occasional Peninsula Plaza. |
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Among
the limited clothing and gear that I have, I noticed that there
are 2 particular apparel that never fail to make a profound impact.
And no lah, I am not talking about lacy intimates… that
is behind close doors only.. I am talking about clothes that give
out the best and worst impression with the Singaporean masses.
I know
of a brand (I'm not gonna disclose it's name) that has made their
research on scrawny Asian men. The clothes that they have for
sale on the racks clearly showed that a lot of gay hormonal hours
have been literally poured into coming up with the designs. From
the cuffs to the stiff collar and the pastel color.. everything
was done with gay precision.
I don’t
know how they did it but whenever I wore my long sleeved shirt
bought from the shop at Tampines, it immediately gives out this
aura of bursting positive energy and nevermind if I have not even
worn my undies yet. Once matched with some dark pants and leather
shoes, I am practically unstoppable. I looked like someone who
owned a Lamborghini, when the actual reality is that I only have
an EZ link card that needs topping up. Yup, clothes can be very
deceiving.
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I
can feel the vibe almost immediately once I place my foot out
and hit the streets. With my office wear gear on, I noticed insurance
peddlers eye me from a distance like vultures preying on fresh
meat. They would intensify their insurance haggling tactics from
“Let-me-introduce-you-to-our-basic insurance-coverage”
to “You-will-die-today-and-if-you-don’t-
buy-insurance-your-family-will-curse-your-corpse-because-of-
the-high-funeral costs”.
Makciks at food courts would charge me double the amount for the
same sized chicken wing I bought yesterday. Customers would be
mesmerized by my sales pitch like as if it made sense. Girls on
the MRT would give me lusty glances. And by the time afternoon
comes, I can literally fart rainbows. Ahhh… Such power it
emits. |
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Sniff
the Rainbow! |
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On
the other hand, there is this particular attire that I hate
wearing because it immediately transcend me to the lower depths
of the social strata. Being butt naked and holding a huge “Idiot”
signboard would give me more respect than wearing this particular
garment. I am talking about wearing my Civil Defense uniform.
No, I’m not just saying this because I dislike NS…
I’m saying this because of the crap that I receive whenever
I wear this cursed outfit.
Like
the evil symbonite black costume in Spiderman 3, the Civil D
uniform latches on your skin and saps all the trustworthyness
from you like a parasite. Expect a brutal service from the polyclinic
doctor and yes, you WILL BE DENIED of an MC from them even though
brain tissue would ooze from your ears. Stall owners would triple
check the currency I gave them as if I just gave them monopoly
money. And everybody would look at you when someone goes unconscious
cause they assume that you know CPR.
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conclude this short article, I would like to mention that its easy
to spot me among the masses in Orchard Road cause I ALWAYS wear
my default attire.. which is T shirt and jeans so don’t be
shy to approach me if you see a Malay guy wearing one:P Fashion
Police strikes again!
Evil Bunny! |
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