Everybody
knows girls like to spend tons of hours powdering themselves in
front of the mirror and shopping for shoes even though they have
a collection of footwear at home… guys on the other hand have
been preprogrammed to be automatically fascinated with sex, sports,
and VIDEO GAMES!
I
know. I received emails from GIRLS saying they like video games
too but I’m saying that the majority of game fans are predominantly
guys and you don’t have to be a President’s Scholar
to know that. The top addiction for guys in general has always
been sex but a close second is video games… followed by
Sports. Some guys may disagree with me and state Sports come second
and video games comes 3rd.. but that analogy can easily be settled
by a simple experiment.
What
would the boy choose? The football or the PSP?
Yup.. I rest my case.
Ok, I take that back... 1st place goes to SEX. 2nd place goes
to Porn and 3rd place goes to Games and Sports.. agreed? As you
can see, it's easy to understand the mind of the male:D
Ok,
since I am not in a debative mood, we will move on. My first memory
about my affair with video games is when my Dad got me a Nintendo.
My first game was this Karate guy thing where I fight 5 bosses
and rescue a princess named “Sophia”. Then, Mario
Brothers came and I was catching magic mushrooms like some lunatic.
To be honest, I hated that game because it was a sadistic labyrinth
of stages and when I did complete the freaking game after 5 years,
I realised the princess was a pixellized prune.
My back and shoulder ached through hours of game play and when
I did kill the stupid dragon, I got a 2D midget waiting for me
at the end. The game artists didn’t even make the effort
to make her slutty and alluring. Show some 2D thighs or something,
or a color a pixel cleavage. ANYTHING. Hahaa oh well..
First you create a game with endless stages. Then you reward your
game players with a tiny pixel "princess"?! NICE!
If
I make the game, it will come with an R(A) bonus round.
Unfortunately,
only after months of boasting to my friends that I have a Nintendo
and all they have are the lame 5 stones and a bunch of badminton
rackets, the electronic world gave birth to the Nintendo’s
evil twin.. which they call, SEGA! They wanted to call it “Nintendo
owners are suckers” but they realize the name is not marketable.
Now SEGA, has way better graphics and it has set the graphics
bar several notches up. SERIOUSLY. You are no longer controlling
2D retarded, Italian plumbers, frantically finding some hidden
brick and pushing the A button to get some stupid coins... No,
SEGA got its own thing going on and it also have its own mascot
named SONIC.
I am floored by Sonics physics and background movement.. I mean
when Sonic jumped, a secondary background also moved giving the
game some “depth”. And when Sonic did not have enough
speed, he can’t run 360 degrees because there wasn’t
enough power. Just when I thought that games Artificial Intelligence
are predictable, they proved me wrong by launching Sonic and we
all know it gets better from there.
Comparing Marios graphics with...
.. SEGA's Sonic.. the difference is HUGE!
Moving
along, my Nintendo console was still my favorite toy and I spent
many hours on it especially when Contra was released. During Hari
Raya, my bedroom will be filled with nasty kids raping my poor
Nintendo and smudging its buttons with pineapple tarts. I did
not appreciate that. Soon, as I reached 13 years old, just when
you thought the games industry cannot make anymore improvement
cause we have “seen-it-all”, the satanic game developers
from Japan, rose from the ashes and unleash a game so good that
I nearly crapped my pants when I saw it.
The
game is called “Street Fighter” and EVERY kid wants
to play it. Because of that game, illegal game shops along Bishan
Street 12 sprout like poison toadstools. We would visit these
game shops and pay the auntie some dollars so we would have
a taste of Street Fighter. Playing games with your school uniform
is prohibited but the resourceful auntie made us wear oversized
t-shirts to create a diversion. This auntie must have got training
from the CIA.
*S.O.P
is Standard Operating Procedure. You get alot of these
nauseating jargons once you hit your National Service.
And soon every kid was practicing their
uppercuts and fireballs game sequences. It took a loooong, bloody
time for me to get that right cause I always get nervous at the
last minute and didn’t execute my Sho-Ru-Ken in time. But
now, I can execute it like water.. but I still lose to 10 year
olds in arcade centers though. (You can’t blame me, they
kept cornering my Akuma at the corner of the screen and unleash
a never ending combo. I have no choice but to watch silently as
I waste yet another 50 cents to a minor.)
Soon
I realised that the way they made games have changed through the
times and now it has evolved into this life sucking, soul eating,
watery stool creating, devil machines. To be continued…
Shor-You-Reppa!
Evil Bunny!
Never
get caught with a player that knows
how to execute an infinite combo!
