Jurong
East Swimming Complex Part 1 of 2
29 JAN 07
It’s
tough to find something fun to do in Singapore. Apart from loitering
at Orchard aimlessly, browsing magazines at major bookstores without
the slightest intention of buying them, playing pool and talking
cock with friends, I discovered that I have this growing interest
for swimming. I’m
not really a swimming person cause I find it a tedious process-
getting my dry clothes together, towel, bermudas, goggles, calling
friends to join you.. It’s like going to swim is a chore
itself. But the thing that hit me was when I spend a couple of
years overseas, where a public swimming pool was not readily available.
If you really want to swim you have to join a Gym, And that comes
with an expensive membership. So I found a new appreciation for
public facilities when I came back home. It’s like that
saying goes.” You don’t know what you are missing
until it’s gone.”
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From
the entire swimming complex I’ve been to, I can say that
the Jurong East Swimming Complex is a gem to me. I know what you
guys are thinking,” Aiyah, tubes only what. What so special?!”
I can understand you might find the place boring if you have gone
there a couple of thousand times but I’m trying to reach
those who never been there at all.
I chatted
with a friend of mine at one of our weekly HDB void deck board
meetings and he said he’s heard about it but never went
there before. He’s 23. Another friend also confessed that
he’s never been there and he’s 30. Yet another guy
says he’s planning to go there but he wants to go there
in the evening… Evening comes and evening goes, he’s
still far from dipping into the pool. He’s 27. How can you
live in Singapore for 20 over years and never been to Jurong East
Swimming Complex? It’s like saying, "I live in Alaska
but I never skied before." |
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So
just for the JESC virgins out there, here’s a treat for
you- A couple of months ago, I went there with my family and relatives
and took a bunch of photos. Below is an account to what you can
expect at JESC.
If I can remember, the day was a Wednesday,
December 06 so I was expecting a lot of kids since the school
holidays are on full swing. I purposely faked a fever and went
to get an MC just to skip work (hope my boss won’t read
this.) so at least I know there’s not much of a crowd.
Don’t you just hate crowds?
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Photo
taken the carpark below the swimming complex.
As you can see we armed to the teeth for some serious fun.
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There’s
3 major parts to the complex. There’s the tubes; you sit
yourself on a float (“boyah” for the Malays) and the
rapid water current push you fast down a slippery tunnel. The
gerek part about the tubes are the turns- you’ll swerve
in such a way that the makers of these tubes, I think, have the
intention to give you a hard time and knock you down off your
float but if you hold tight and pray for your dear life, you will
survive, as thousands before you did. |
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Once
inside, you can never miss the huge structure of metal and steel.
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tubes are also creatively colour coded to give you a hint of danger
it bring.
The
tube with the Deadly Blue colour is the longest of the 3 tubes
there. Also known as “Big Papa” (I just totally made
that up. Hahaha), it goes down fast and has more turns than the
rest. It’s also a long tube so your journey will take a
while. So I suggest you bring a book to read while you are in
the tube.
For
an added challenge, try staying on your float when you hit the
water. It's harder than you think. Excellent maneuvering, acute
sense of balance as well 3 'O' level passes with a distinction
in Home Econs is required for you to secure a perfect landing.
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The
BIG PAPA. It looks green here but trust me it's blue...
Deadly Blue. |
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If you don't respect Big Papa, you gonna drink clorine! Yeah!
Major wipe out!
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Big Papa spits this unlucky swimmer like a melon seed. As you
can see, the swimmer is trying hard to regain his dignity. |
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Evil Bunny shows the amatuers how it's done!
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A steady
landing with no wipe out, yet again! |
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tube sprayed with Ah Beng Pink is also a good one. You will get
your usual deadly twist around corners and it’s much shorter
than Big Papa. So that means you don’t have to waste time
to climb the stairs all the way to the top. For this tube, I named
it; Neon Dragon. Very suitable right?? |
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The
NEON DRAGON in all its glory. |
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The Grim Reaper waits at the entrance of practically every ride.
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After a few runs and mastering her inner chi;
my sister finally tamed the Neon Dragon. |
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Sometimes,
I can't help myself from thinking that I'm Batman,
in one of his speed tubes, answering to the Bat signal! |
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but not least, there’s the short tube. It’s narrow and
you don’t need your float to ride this one. BUT DO NOT BE
DECEIVED. This one I call the “BRAIN JAM”. The second
you snugly sit your ass in the tube, the powerful current will push
you in such break-neck speed you can see your life flash before
your eyes. When you finally hit the end of the tunnel (average time
usually 2.3 seconds), chlorinated newater will gush into your nostrils,
mouth and ears, enter your nasal cavity into your bloodstream and
effectively, jamming your brain. Thus the name “BRAIN JAM”
You can recognise this baby by it’s well-deserved colour:
SICK YELLOW.
Girls who tried this
swore never to ride it again and I’ve seen grown men cry
right after they ride this mean beast so please, do not underestimate
this short, deceiving tube!
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The
BRAIN JAM waits for an unsuspecting victim! |
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Pinching
your nose is your last line of defense. |
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One
more nose pincher. |
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Another corpse goes down the tube.
This yellow tube jams your brain effectively. |
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word of caution: Before you sit on the Brain Jam, be sure to look
out for a metal pipe slightly above your head. I don’t know
why it’s suppose to be there in the first place, I guess for
some kind of reinforcement. If you are not careful, you will most
likely knock your head hard on the pipe then go through the tube
receiving a double BRAIN JAM, which is totally way beyond a human
being dose of brain jams at one time. The lifeguards there have
wrapped this metal pipe at the entrance with a thick sponge and
black insulating tape and so far it works good!:)
And one more thing, once you are done going
through the yellow tube, don’t take too much time recuperating.
Pick up whatever body parts you are missing and steer away from
the entrance of the tube because the chance of getting kick in
the face from another suicidal tuber is very high. Unless you
want a black eye with your Brain Jam to increase your mental ecstasy,
by all means stay. People find pleasure in different ways, so
to each his own.
And yes, take note of a loud lifeguard,
guarding your life at the yellow tube. Her job is to tell you
to run for your life once you hit the water but then again you
will be in a daze and your hearing will be muffled. But she tries
her best so listen to her cause she’s only doing her job.
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| Although
the 3 slides are awesome, I craved for more so when I spoke with
a JESC representative, he said that the actual plans was to include
5 more slides but they never seen the light of day. He showed me
some blueprints and I realised why…
Brain
Less
This slide is the same as Brain Jam but this one goes longer and
steeper. How steep you say? Let us just say it starts from the
20th storey how’s that? This water slide does not jam your
brain. Instead the gravity and G-force will render you insane
and when you finally hit the water, the impact is so great, brain
tissue will come out from your ears... thus the fitting name:
Brain Less.
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Invisible
They wanted to come up with a tube that is transparent. You can
see people slide in the tube and you can laugh at those who got
knocked off their floats or those who can’t control and keep
going down the tunnel back first. Sounds like a great idea but a
prototype shows that it gathered a lot of perverts. So this slide
is scrapped too. |
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The
Over Time
This tube is supposed to the longest tube ever created. The idea
is give you a ride that is 2 hours long. 2 times riding this slide
and you can go home liao. This ride is an alternative for businessmen
who brings their clients to go play golf. Instead of spending time
hitting some small balls into a hole under the hot tropic sun, they
can jump into this tube and for the whole 2 hours, they can discuss
their contracts until an agreement is made. Ingenious indeed!
But problems occurred
when an unlucky individual was trapped somewhere near the 2 km
mark of the tube. It took him "a while" to get his trunks
dislodged. When they named it “The Over Time” I guess
they were serious. Next idea please.
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The
Love Tube
This slide has a hidden national agenda. Because of our declining
birth-rate, they decided to have a slide just meant for newlyweds.
The boat, custom made for 2, is equipped with a cover for privacy.
When the couples goes in the slide, LCD screens of people making
sweaty love is shown again and again to get them in the mood. Barry
White’s deep voice can also be heard along with other aphrodisiac
to keep sexual hormones raging high.
At the end of the tunnel,
ladies are to get their pee tested to see if they are pregnant.
If no living being is found in the womb, the couple has to ride
the Love Slide again. Of course this slide is rejected because
the prototype creates more divorcees than babies thus they have
to file this idea under KIV.
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Mystery
Ride
This slide is the idea of a foreign talent. With his foreign brain
busy at work, he came up with this slide that has many passages.
Some sort like a slide labyrinth. You go in on one entrance but
you can never know where you gonna end up.
Everything went smooth
until some swimmers realised that one tube leads to the nearby
longkang. The whereabouts of the foreign talent is still a mystery.
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My sister
is totally oblivious that she chose the wrong tube. |
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More
victims swimming in Milo. |
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| Wah
sorry ah. Looks like I had a mind diarrhea. I just realised that
I wrote one long grandmother story. This is the first time I'm doing
this so that's why I'm excited what. Don't worry after 5 or 6 more
postings I will lose steam liao and all you gonna read are one-liners.
I'll split this topic into 2 parts. I'll post Part 2 soon, covering
the Wave Pool and Lazy River. See you here soon!
More grandmother stories
awaits you,
Evil Bunny
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This
photograph I took turned out to be a beauty! |
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