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How
to Nab yourself a Nice guy
12 FEB 07
Sometimes
I feel sorry for the nice girl next door. Seriously I do. You know
who she is… She’s decent looking, she watches Garfield
movies, and spam you with cartoon bear pictures saying “Have
a nice weekend” and other girly things. She can’t do
no harm cause she’s just a girl. She has fits of temper now
and again but hey, who doesn’t get mad right? But her tantrum
is never destructive. She does not bang tables or scream like a
howler monkey. She just give you a bad eye and say the crappiest
thing she can think off just to get back at you and if you go argue
with her long enough, she’ll cry. Yup, that’s what nice
girls do. |
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Spam
from a nice girl. |
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| But
all so often I see this same girl gets distressed. And if you look
hard enough, her problems does not come from her; (what problem
can you get attaching a graphic jpeg and mass emailing your friends?
None. Unless the jpeg is actually an .exe file packed with malicious
code) but actually from her jerk boyfriend. And most nice girls
have experienced a jerk boyfriend before. Maybe you are dating this
jerk right now. As nice girls are, sometimes I have to admit they
are TERRIBLE at choosing their guys. (But then again, I don’t
blame them cause guys can come out with an act so convincing, they
make Denzel Washington look like a part-time B-movie actor.)
Yes,
he may look extremely cute with that ear stud on, but if you are
not careful, you will be lining up at the abortion clinic after
3 weeks and suddenly that ear stud doesn’t look cute anymore.
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This
guy just screams husband material. |
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And
yes, girls whether nice or not, have this burden of getting
pregnant so your guard must be switched on double time because
guys can be ruthless. Guys on the other hand requires no guard..
Cause they are on constant attack mode. And they’ll use
all sorts of ways and lines and ear studs just to get what they
want. And I’m not talking about emotionally rewarding
relationships here.
So
since Valentines Day is coming, I thought its high time that
you girls get the inside look at the mind of the male. With
these guidelines, hopefully, you’ll meet nice guys who
are available and straight. And yes they are still around and
yes there thousands of them. And to me, I believe nice girls
deserve nice guys.
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Nice
guys don’t have a smart mouth.
Spotting a nice guy is easy if you know what to look for. If a
nice guy is angry at a certain individual, he does not know how
to retaliate with smart words. His nice mind is not trained to
think of sarcastic, manipulative thoughts on a dateline. So he
just keeps his cool and walk away. Mind you, that does not mean
he’s never mad. He’s human, he gotta be mad sometimes
but he doesn’t know how to express it right there and then.
He only says nasty stuff hours after the incident happened and
everybody had left. And even if he tries to say something smart
to hurt the other person, his words will appear stupid.
Example:
Nasty person: You are a freaking
donkey!
Nice Guy: Well, a donkey.. err..
is an animal good for manual labour!
Nasty person:
You are like a freaking donkey!
Nasty guy: F&*k you! Well,
you are a freaking flying pig! You know why you are flying pig?
That’s because your mother blah..blah.. blah..
He can’t think nasty comebacks
on demand because he is brought up in an environment that does
not need to think and hurl sarcastic remarks every few minutes.
I know of a jerk at school once and how good he is at nasty
comebacks. You cannot out debate him and he appears to win every
verbal disagreement because he kept coming up with these smart
defensive things like he got a talent for it. I always wonder
where he learns this shit from.
Lo and behold, he invited me to his place
for a school project and I realized that he got his training
from his Mum. She would barrage him with constant questions
and verbal attacks on chores not being done and how messy he
was. His tactic was to defend himself and sometimes he made
good remarks but most of the time he would crashed and burned.
His Mum was no match for him. She would out talk him into submission
but he was tapping. However, his Mum was unrelenting and she
went for the humiliating verbal chokehold.
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| Yeah,
he may win at arguments in school but his life is verbal hell at
home. So if you want a nice guy, listen to what he gotta say when
he’s being verbally assaulted. If he doesn’t say much
but just swears here and there.. he’s a good guy! But if he
retaliates with well thought sarcastic, creative insults with poetic
rhythm, stay the hell away from him!
Nice
guys have nice friends
If you want to see if this guy is a jerk or someone you can show
off to your parents, just take a look at his friends. Nice guys
surrounds themselves with nice people. Don’t confuse acquaintances
with friends. Locate who he spends with all the time.. If you
like his friends, very high chance you gonna like him too.
Nice
guys are shy.
Have you heard of the term “Nice guys finish last?”
This is where the phrase comes from cause nice guys are usually
shy. There are some shy jerks out there too but the majority bulk
of nice guys are shy when it comes to being with the opposite
sex. He may be an out spoken, funny clown with his guy friends
but get a girl he like in the mix and he goes quiet. Jerks are
usually confident wise ass who comes to you and ask for your number.
Nice guys are the ones who admire you in secret.
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There is 1 jerk and 8 hiding nice guys. Can you spot them all? |
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| So
how do you nab a nice guy that strikes your fancy? You gotta do
the approaching. Yup, you heard me. Its better to approach 1 nice
guy then being approached by 10 jerks wouldn’t you say. I
know you girls have egos too so in order to keep them fully intact;
approach him through friends. Hang out in groups.
Always start as friends
and give him CLEAR hints that you like him. (I don’t consider
myself a nice guy.. I’m the evil bunny remember? But, the
clearest hint that a girl ever gave me was when she said “I
like spending time with you Evil Bunny, let’s not go home
so early. And it was already 1 am.) If you realized that he is
not interested in you and the word spreads, just use the good
ol’ “I’m nice to you doesn’t mean I’m
in love with you.” line. Girls use that all the time and
gotten away with it since dinosaurs roamed the land.
Nice
guys are nice to humans AND animals.
This subtlety is often overlooked but it carries some substantial
weight. A nice guy spreads his niceness irregardless if you are
human or you have fur on your face. His niceness knows no bounds.
He is nice to you and he will also be nice to a cat, hamster or
your pet parakeet. I remembered this incident at East Coast. I
was invited to the usual get-together barbecue and I was introduced
to a couple of guys I’ve never met before. I noticed one
of them grab a stray cat by its neck. You can see that the cat
is not comfortable to be manhandled in that sort of fashion so
it started to hiss and scratch the guy’s arms.
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But
jerks being jerks they are, do what they do best, so he refuse
to let go. But once he did, the cat scurried and hid under a park
bench. I would totally understand if it’s a 5 year old kid
who is curious about furry animals.. that’s what kids do,
but this is a 20-something year old guy we are talking about.
Now, even the cat knows that this guy is not boyfriend material
but not this friend of mine, who so happen to be one of the nicest
girls I’ve met.
So if you wanna test
if a guy is a good guy and worth your time, observe how he treats
animals especially strays at coffeshops. If he sees a cat and
does not bug it, he’s a good guy. If he gives some chicken
meat to the starving kitty, he’s a GENEROUS good guy.
If he makes stamping noises with his feet to chase a cat away,
he’s an a$$hole.
Nice
guys are God conscious
When I mean nice, I mean the guy knows from right and wrong.
I don’t mean he’ll open doors for you or say “Good
morning” to everyone or say “Thank You”, everytime
without fail, when someone gave him something. He is human not
your courtesy mascot. He knows when to keep quiet and when to
talk. He is sensitive to other people’s feelings and he
hates confrontation. But where does he get all his code of conduct
from? Cause we know that some people think that orgies are as
harmless as new born butterflies while some people abhors it.
So where do nice guys get their set of “good behaviour”
rules from? The government? No.. From religion.
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The struggle of good and evil will prevail until the end of time. |
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| Nice
guys are usually God conscious people. They believe in an afterlife
and they believe in the punishment and reward system. Heaven &
hell. Jerks who believes in Darwinism believe that when they die,
it’s all black and nothing happens so that means they think
that they can cheat/harm anyone and get away with it. “If
the police don’t catch me, I’m a free man.” Or
that’s what they think. I read in a news article that lists
4 points that suggest a marriage bound for divorce (it’s a
collection of statistics from the US.)
The
marriage is bound for divorce if:
1) Age: the couples are young
2) Income: the couples are financially disadvantaged
3) Religion: the couples are not religious
4) Err.. I forgot about the last point. Sorry.
Oh where, oh where,
is my little nice guy. Oh where can he be?
You have all these guys roaming around so where do you start?
Chatting online is one way but I don’t recommend it cause
he might be some sexual predator. Clubs, nightspots, discos; whatever
you call them, are the worst. If your idea of a nice guy is someone
who would have sex with you and never call you back, that’s
the place to be. But if you want a nice guy to settle down with
and raise babies, look elsewhere.
I recommend joining
clubs. If you like canoeing, register at your local CC or something.
That way, you can meet guys and they will have the same interest
as you. Remember, when they say opposites attract, they are talking
about magnets not people.
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Never
settle for less
Your parents are pressurizing you into marriage. The clock is
ticking. So you grab the first nice guy that come along even though
he looks like a toad? Wrong. Even if the pressure is suffocating,
remember that this is your guy and you are gonna spend time with
him and not your parents or friends. If you like a nice guy with
good looks, by all means wait. Never settle for less or you gonna
regret it. However, let me remind you that there is only 1 Brad
Pitt and only 1 Tom Welling. And both are married. The secret
is to get a nice guy with at least having the potential to look
good. Nice guys don’t have a string of dates. They need
help with choosing their clothes.
So
after you secure the deal, don’t change him overnight cause
he will think that you are bossy (even though it’s true).
Coax him to lose that long hair of his. Lie to him that you saw
a cockroach crawled in his beard. Tell him that he needs new clothes
for an event coming up and buy a new set of clothes that YOU chose.
Make him wear it and smile like never before and boost his confidence
by saying that he look good in that G2000 shirt and it doesn’t
even cost much. Decorate him like a Christmas tree. Soon you’ll
notice that you turned that toad to toad with nice clothes. And
trust me other girls will start noticing. Now, you have the problem
of getting those bitches off your nice man. |
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Be honest. I know you want to date that toad now. |
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Admit
it, girls like bad boys.
Last but not least, sometimes nice girls fail to get a nice guy
because they find bad boys alluring. You should see how their
eyes twinkle when they see a tribal tattoo on his neck, or his
split toungue. Yes, self mutilation is so arousing isn't it. If
you are bad girl, you deserve a bad guy cause you are qualified
to hook him on your leash cause you know the terrain well.
Good
girls on the other hand, don’t have a clue. So they crash
and burn but they don’t learn from their mistake and keep
dating a whole set of jerks. They grew accustomed to guys borrowing
money from them to buy cigarettes. They think its okay to be called
a bitch everytime they argue. They tolerate a punch on the shoulder
because they thought that’s how guys are; they are rough.
They thought all guys do that. Maybe jerks do, not nice guys.
You
want real-life examples? Check out the Miami Sound Machine's Gloria
Estefan music video. Now Gloria here is hot! But see how she adores
bad boys. The lyrics goes like this:
bad
boy
you make me feel so good.
The way you hold me tight
you get me so excited
boys
will be boys -
nothin' but trouble -
boys will be boys -
leave me feelin' breathless -
And
when he drives me home
I feel safe at night
"And
when he drives me home I feel safe at night?" Can't you see
he's trying to earn your trust so that he can get in your pants,
Gloria? Oh well.. see for yourself. |
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| On
the other hand, this girl called Sita has enough of the shit thrown
at her and finally decides to heed my advice and dump her jerk.
Check out her lyrics below:
Since
you've been gone I feel so much better
'Cause I saw how mean you could be
I used to want some explanation
Now all I want is my Patsy Cline CD
How
I've waited for today
When I could finally say
You
jerk
You jerk
You are such a jerk
They
want to be your friend
How come jerks don't know they're jerks?
"How come jerks
don't know they're jerks?" How about, "How come girls
can be so blind?"
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I
used to be a jerk, but now I'm just pure evil.
Evil Bunny
PS:
I wanted to post of some photos of nice guys I personally know
but since alot of them are just damn shy, all of them refused.
DISCLAIMER:
This article is targeted for those single ladies on how to nab
a nice guy for marriage and not for a fling. I do not encourage
promiscuous behaviour in any way, shape or form. Nor am I responsible
for any lewd acts that might occur once you have succefully found
your nice guy.
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