Masters
of Deception
27 FEB 08
I
know the Oscars just ended.. I used to watch that but ever since
Clint Eastwood won an award for directing Million Dollar Baby, I
told myself that its time to let it go. Don’t ask why. Anyway,
apart from over paid Hollywood actors and actresses, I believe that
there is a group of hmmm… species that definitely deserve
to receive some kind of award for their awesome natural talent that
God Almighty have bestowed on them… I am talking about the
Animal Kingdom. I
mean if you really ponder and look at most of the animals that
are roaming around in the wild and sinking its teeth on a human
head right now as I type this…. and if you take away all
that blood gushing from the jugular vein, you gotta admit that
MOST animals are beautiful creatures. |
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Ok
I take that back, a bear looks just like a huge, big ass rat...
If you really wanna see how beautiful animals can get.. well at
least insects.. you gotta take a look at this butterfly.
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Pics courtesy from brother Yaslam.
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Wah
piang eh.. Just when you thought you have seen all butterflies,
God made this one with a pair of glasslike, transparent wings!
I wonder what it’s actually made off? Transparent plastic
bags? Butterflies itself is a beautiful insect… (when
its flying that is.. if you catch it and look close under a
magnifying glass.. it’s actually hideous… well at
least that’s what I think.) but this butterfly tops all.
Anyway,
that is not the subject matter I wanna write about today…
My focus is on animal skills. Camouflaging survival skills to
be exact. And I thought I wanna give some awards while I’m
at it. You see, during primary school science class, I am taught
that animals have markings on their skin/hide/scales for a reason..
Sometimes it has markings that screams “Don’t F
with me!” Sometimes they have this low profile attitude,
put on a wig and pretend to be something else. So here it is,
a long overdue award for the animal that has mastered the art
of optical illusion!
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| Consolation
prize goes to the Tiger! I know what you are thinking, an orange
tabby with black stripes? Even the blind can see that! I know..
but if you have add some shoulder deep long grass and bait the
feline with a fat delicious elephant and put an equally delicious
Bangladeshi man on top for good measure, you will have a total
Tiger sneak attack!
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Second
place goes to any insect that disguise itself as bird shit. Yes,
I think you have seen this before because some spiders, caterpillars
and whatever weird insect are made to transform themselves into
vile excrements just to trick predators. Instead of fighting back
with a stinger, or spitting some acid in the eye or at least trying
to mimic itself into something more dignified like a twig, a leaf
or a tampon, they are created to look like a steaming pile of
fresh feces.
I don’t know how anyone can get a date if you look like
that. Who knows.. maybe one day, after we cut down all the available
jungles, animals will have to mimic buildings or a watercooler
or a taxi stand. That would be freaky! |
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I smell
poo.
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The
top master of disguise award goes to.. non other than the ever
morphing Octopus! Now this baby can not only change color, its
skin can even change TEXTURES! Chameleons are AMATEURS compared
to these underwater, tentacled ninjas. You will definitely step
on one accidentally when you go scuba diving in Phuket and on
top of that, you will get bitch-slap with black vile ink. It’s
their way of giving you the middle finger! |
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| And
last but not least the award to go to for the worst camouflaged
animal is definitely, THE PANDA, hands down! Hmm… I can understand
some animals having black and white markings but this is ridiculous..
The panda is not trying to mimic no shadow nor does it have any
warning systems. It’s only tactic for survival is cuteness..
Come on.. look at it.. black patches for the eyes and then white
space and suddenly.. black patches on the ears. I mean, if I am
a Tiger, and I would have to choose to attack a human or a Panda..
I would choose the human because Pandas are way too cute too die.
How cute you say? So cute that the Panda can star on its own Hollywood
movie! Cause nobody is gonna watch a movie based on a spider that
looks like shit! |
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I
can blend in a crowded MRT preety well,
Evil Bunny |
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