Subutex
29 FEB 08
Since
I have the knack at discussing about critical National issues pretty
late, I want to regurgitate an article in the Malay Newspaper sometime
back. In diplomatic Bahasa Melayu, typed in bold Arial, it says: |
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those of you who are sick of Malay text on Happeepill, saya mengerti
akan kerisauan awak. Jangan bimbang.. Oklah oklah.. no more of
that. What the headline says in English is “ Smuggling of
Subutex through the anal cavity have risen.”
Firstly,
before I yap on, I just gotta inform you that I am not a CNB enthusiast.
I do not keep track of underworld dealings of highly addictive
substances. Come to think of it, I don’t think I will be
a good drug dealer because I don’t know where to get my
stock from. Does Subutex grow on trees? Where do I get suppliers?
Yellow Pages? And even if I can get Subutex from the Mama shop,
how the heck am I gonna sell it? Through Ebay? Approach Makciks
and Aunties at busstops? Who is my target demographic here? Do
I need advertising? How do I maximize my ROI? And so on and so
forth… |
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And
from this headline alone, I know that Subutex is highly addictive.
If you are willing to shove crap in your a$$hole that means
this stuff is some dangerous shit. I read an article before
where this guy has a drug junkie girlfriend. (She wasn’t
taking Subutex.. she was taking some other stuff.) He told her
to stop and he boastfully told her that if he took it he could
stop curb his addiction easily.. So he took some to prove his
point but ended up spending his life in DRC..
Anyway,
I am curious by the fact of how does the Singapore Customs manage
to apprehend so many people with their butts stuff with Subutex?
What is the standard Operating Procedure here? How does one
know one ass is full of dangerous drugs and the other is full
of shit?
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Perhaps,
the logical way is to observe how people walk. A person cannot
possibly walk straight if his ass is full of stuff right? But
then again, what if someone has a weird way of walking.. wouldn’t
it be embarrassing to arrest him, haul him into a room.. and forcefully
check his crevices but you find nothing but a cloud of gas? Then
what? Apologize? That episode would be forever etched in the victim’s
mind. But then again, what if you find a bunch of tic-tacs instead?
Some people are just freaky like that. Tic-tacs are NOT illegal…
And I have not heard of any Singapore law prohibiting you from
stuffing breath mints inside your own ass, right?
Hmm moving along
now.. maybe the size of hips and buttocks would also be into
consideration.. I mean, a small butt can carry only so much
Subutex but big fat ass can carry kilograms of it! Now Jennifer
Lopez is definitely one of the prime suspect for Subutex smuggling.
Maybe perhaps, they
used those drugged narcotic dogs. I kinda pity those dogs..
Imagine day in day out, coming out of the kennel to smell buttocks
the whole day. Sian right. Dogs should be made to herd sheep
or play Frisbee. Dogs should be taught how to play dead and
roll over.. but the dogs working for the government have to
search for corpses, smell out drugs, intimidate terrorists etc.
Well at least they have can book Safra chalet at a discounted
rate.
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Another
thing that came in my mind is that how does the extraction of
Subutex is carried out? Do they use a pair of tongs you can find
at buffet spreads or do they use those gloves surgeons wear. How
much lube is involve here. Or they make the subject eat a guni
full of beans and then make him shoot all the Subutex out by passing
gas? And who is the poor chap that is in-charge of extracting
Subutex. Is he a foreign talent? How much does he make and what
is printed in his name card? And what sort of qualification does
the Immigration need for such a delicate job. If he has only Primary
education he might probe the wrong hole and if he is a NUS graduate
he might go overboard… |
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This
sort of name card how to show people? |
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I
bet they also use some highly advance X ray butt machine or something.
Like some piece of expensive gadgetry where u sit and then they
scan your ass. Then everything from the pasar malam undies you
are wearing to your bones.. Everything also can see :D
But I do believe
that they do some profiling.. I mean a Subutex carrier must
match some physical characteristics right? I believe that a
typical smuggler would probably sport some ang kong or be blind
on the left eye. But then again if I am an Immigration Officer
in the Anal Probing Department, I would look out for those girls
wearing thongs… Yes.. I bet they got a lot of things to
hide.
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An
ass-full of Subutex,
Evil Bunny |
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