Shopping with Women

I do get amuse when I see guys getting frustrated with their wives and vice versa. We seem to forget that males and females think differently. I am no expert but I do try my best to grasp this reality whenever I go through an argument with the opposite sex.
One fine example of this clash of the male and female thought process is the act of shopping. I honestly don’t know what goes on the mind of a girl when they shop for stuff. I remember hanging around for what it seemed like eternity when I went grocery shopping with a female friend.

I don’t know why.. I noticed that girls take a very long time to buy anything and it can be as simple as a tube of toothpaste. Honestly, I would just stick to Darlie. Been using that since I was a kid, and never look back. Never been a Colgate fan.

And it gets worse if she is in the shampoo aisle. She would open the cap and smell the contents. I don’t really care for the smell because I know all shampoos will smell good. Have you ever used a shampoo that made your hair stink like a pile of sh!t? I don’t think so. And worse, she would read the ingredients and check if it’s organic and no harmful chemicals were used.

I understand the need to stay healthy but I have never heard anyone died by shampoo scalp poisoning before.

And soon I realize, we have spent an hour in the grocery mart. We only have 12 items on our list. -__-“

What about the time I called another female friend up to accompany me to shop for 1 pair of jeans. Yup, just one pair of plain jeans cause my old one is starting to rip at X rated places. And if the hole get any bigger, you can actually see my brown Malay a$$.

So before somebody takes a snap shot of my holey jeans on the MRT and post on aka sabo-complain-center website, it’s time for me to part with my hard freelance money to get me a new pair.

My friend also need to do some clothes shopping of her own so I thought we could buy our stuff together. Bad mistake. The day was spent mostly trying to get her stuff and I had to make a rush decision to buy an overpriced pair of Levis. My initial plan is to go to Peninsula Plaza to get some cheap jeans brands like Amco. So I end up helping her carry her shopping bags instead.

The last shopping experience I had with another girl, I told her specifically to follow me to buy 1 pair of jeans. Since she got nothing to do so at least I know she won’t get distracted. But unfortunately she managed to psycho me to get 2 pairs of jeans and 3 graphic t shirts and a pair of shoes. I went over my budget by $150. -__-

Anyway, I have already accepted the fact that guys and girls shop differently. I totally understand how my Mum and Dad do it now. Whenever they would go to Geylang wet market, my Dad will wait at the coffee shop while my Mum will bring bags after bags of groceries.

Mum gets to shop as long as she wants. Dad gets to sip cups of tea until she is done. Everybody happy. :D

Experienced couple got some serious marriage tips,
Evil Bunny

Man Divorce Wife because of BO

So this guy married a woman and just after 2 months, the marriage landed in divorce because she got bad BO.

“He told Xinhua news: “Whenever I asked her when she was late, she would say she was putting on make up but now I know the answer. She was trying hard to cover up her body odor!” said the angry Li Fan, who felt he was cheated.”

This also reminded me of the news article I read about a girl who divorced a guy after just 24 hours of marriage when she discovered that he had erection problems.

To me, the man and woman who left their spouses had every right to do so because their spouses were not being truthful.

Stinky WifeThe way to go is, before you get married, you need to clear everything out. You need to tell each other problems that both of you have kept hidden, if any. Cut all the flowery talk for one second and discuss honestly and to the point.

Here is a list of the things I came up with for you to discuss with your future spouse before both of you sign on the dotted line.

1) Does your partner or his/her family owe huge sums of debts?
Money is a common problem for Singaporeans. So even though the girl may not owe any money, her family might and her family’s problem will eventually creep to be your problem. Ask how much and create a plan to see if you are able to pay this off.

2) Is your partner sexually promiscuous?
Guys and gals this day and age have eroding morals with religion taking a back seat so you gotta be sure if he/she is STD free. If you need to go through a blood test, by all means do so.

3) Do any of you have any ailments?
Do tell your partner if you have any illness that he/she might not be aware of. I know some people have problem with snoring, some have Irritable Bowel syndrome where they need to go to the toilet constantly, etc. I read a guy who needs to literally tape his man boobs so as to avoid embarrassing perspiration marks on his shirt. Whatever it is, be adult about it and state your case even though he/she might leave you.

4) Career/Education Plans
Voice out any long term career/education plans because a studying spouse would mean delayed baby plans.

5) Do not discuss and share details about prior sins.
This info does not benefit and since you guys love one another and hence thinking about marriage, it will only bring emotional harm. Once you repent of your sins, never mention it to anyone else. If you have STD, just mention the STD part and not how many partners you been with etc.

And this one is for Muslims…
6) Islamic knowledge
Islamic Knowledge is extremely important for Muslims as this is the backbone of a successful family. Discuss the level of Islamic knowledge each of you possesses. A wife that is lacking in faith would mean a disobedient wife and a husband that is lacking in faith means he cannot lead the family effectively.

May all of you have a happy, blessed marriage :)
Evil Bunny!

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Dealing with Rejection for Guys

5 days ago, I wrote about an article to help guys on “How to Tell if a Girl Don’t Like You.” Then I read a comment by Amin98872714 (yes it comes complete with an IC number), asking me how to deal with rejections.

Rejection tipsSince I am an expert with getting rejected numerous times, this topic is right up my alley. :) So for those of you guys out there who are still bawling and crying your heart out because some girl did not like you the same way you like her, I suggest you dry away your man tears and follow the advice below.

1) Snow White is your enemy
The first thing you need to do is to shut down any form of media that depict romance. Any lovey-dovey scenes that will remind you of her, relationships, love and make you weak, must be eliminated from your system. So that means, you cannot watch ANY romantic movies and even romantic cartoons from Disney…FOR A LONG TIME. Snow White and her Prince Charming will make you depress. They will live happily ever after and you are still forever alone. It will get so bad, you will start entertaining the thought of giving the girl next door a chance. She’s been giving you flirty smiles but she got no teeth.

So before you lower your standard and date a girl with dentures, numb your brain by watching re-runs of Tellytubbies instead.

2) Do not hang out with troll couples.
Some couple friends are ok to be with but some couple friends are just downright inconsiderate. They will grope each other, whisper small chats to each other ears, laugh at inside jokes amongst themselves, perform Kamasutra in broad daylight… all IN FRONT OF YOU. You will feel like a bloody forgotten lamppost. Even if your light bulb blows out, nobody-will-change it-because-even-the-Govt,-forgot-you-exist type of lamppost. And since you just suffered a recent rejection, you will feel worse.

I suggest you hang around with other single lonely male pals because at least their conversations will revolve around soccer, being broke, how long they have been unemployed, FT bashing topics and video games. Which brings me to…

Cut it Out3) You need to destroy the last boss on expert mode.
To cure a broken heart requires your mind to stay busy. So that means you need to invest on a Playstation if you don’t have one. If that is too expensive, buy a PC game instead. Games today are so complicated and immersive; you will spend weeks trying to figure out how to kill the sniper at level 355. You are always getting shot and you can’t even see him! Darn it!

By the time you get to the last boss, your brain will effectively turn to mush and you can’t even think straight to even remember what’s-her-face.

4) Love songs are evil songs
Unlike movies, love songs can pull your heart strings in a different way. Imagine being depress and you keep listening to a song that goes like, “I love you.. I don’t need anything, I just need you. I don’t need air. I don’t need clothes . I just need you. I will stand at your door till you come back to me.”

Now imagine listening to that over and over again. The sound waves will eventually penetrate and hijack your thought process and like a hypnotized zombie, you suddenly realize you are in front of her door, waiting for her outside her apartment, holding your breath, butt naked. -__-”

Radio Trance5) You are a guy so take it like a man-child that you are!
Face it, you are a guy and that means you gotta be tough. It’s okay to cry but don’t go into depress mode so long till you go blind like Kassim Selamat. (Ermm.. if you don’t know who Kassim Selamat is, go ask a Malay friend of yours :P And no, he is not Mas Selamat’s brother.) Never get your hopes up and always be ready for a rejection.

The game is set where the guy has to make the first move, lower down the ego and ask the girl BUT the guy CAN CHOOSE which girl to ask. Girls on the other hand may like a guy but if the guy they fancy don’t ask, they cannot do anything about it. It kinda balances things out.

If you think that’s tough, just be glad we don’t have to perform mating ritual dances like the Animal Kindom. Can you imagine buying colorful costumes from Halloween stores and practicing dance routines to win a girl’s heart? If that’s the case, I reserve the cowboy hat with the peacock feather dress. No girl can resist those colors! Bwahaahah!

Bottom line, after you are done bawling your eyes out, get back on your feet and target other girls.

Ritual Dance6) Go to the Darkside
Ok, if its really tough for you to let her go, the last phase is to write down the things you don’t like about her. You need to change your depression to hate and trust me everybody got flaws. Your list may look like this:

1) She may be pretty but she is materialistic.
2) She like to curse a lot. I don’t want to live with a girl who have a foul mouth.
3) She likes to litter. I like to keep Singapore clean.

Ok maybe point 3 is kinda lame. I’m sure you can do better than that. Get the hate juice running, and seriously sit down and scrutinize her character. Go to the darkside (besides, I heard they have cookies) and make Darth Vader proud. By the time you are done writing a convincing list, its easier to let her go knowing such a crappy person she is.

Yoda: Much hate in you, I sense. Forever a virgin, you will be.
Shut up Yoda, I’m trying to mend some broken hearts here! Geeez!

7) And lastly, you have to tell yourself, it’s not meant to be.
This is not you coming up with excuses to make yourself feel good nor are you being bitter. But it’s the truth. Without being preachy much, it is not you who choose who you gonna end up with, but it is God that does the choosing. If a girl says no or it’s not working out, it’s one way God is protecting you from problems that will arise in the future. I’ve seen couples break up just prior to getting married and even though they feel upset, after awhile, they’ll say, “It’s for the better.” And it’s true.

Pick up the pieces and move on,
Evil bunny

How to Tell if a Girl Don’t Like You

I don’t agree with the entire dating culture that we have always been accustomed to. We got this influence from the West and their way of life. If I have my way, I don’t mind being arranged for marriage AS LONG AS I can meet the girl face to face, and have a conversation with her and ask her a bunch of questions. Another thing I do not like about dating is the fact that sometimes you meet girls that likes to lead you on even though they don’t like you.

You know, the one that is either confused and have other guys in mind, or the one who wanna make you their back-up guy just in case they are still single when they hit 35, or the one who is just “too nice” to turn you down politely. Yeah right… too nice till you’ve been led on for YEARS. These spoilers make dating very exhausting.

Easy As This If only it’s as easy as this.

I prefer girls who give the cold shoulder if she is not interested. I say that is the right thing to do. The guy might be heartbroken but at the very least, he picks up the pieces and he moves on.

Anyway, I had an online conversation with a friend of mine weeks back and he lamented about the same problem. He is pursuing a girl to get married. But after a couple of minutes of chatting with him, I suspect that this girl is not interested in him and I advise him not waste time and move on.

So, just for you guys out there, let the Evil Bunny make life a little easier. Here is a list on… “How to tell if a girl don’t like you.”

1) You gave her a gift. She does not accepts it.
Girls not accepting your gift is a HUGE hint she don’t like you. Birthday gifts does not count. Giving her gifts like t-shirts and fridge magnets don’t count either. Give her a romantic gift and if she declines and marked the package “Return to Sender”, it’s time to move on. But this tip is not foolproof because there are some materialistic bimbos out there who just ACCEPTS ANYTHING. So let’s move to tip numbah 2!

Pearl Necklace2) She plays match maker.
Give her a hint and say you are ready to settle down. Ask her if she have anybody who is suitable for you. If she likes you, she would be blushing and have a huge smile on her face, giggling like a school girl. (Don’t date school girls you guys, they are too young -_-“)
But if she start to really consider this match making job and gives you phone numbers of her single uggo friends… I’m sorry to say, she is not interested. Back to the drawing board.

3) She rather do boring things then spend time with you.
As pathetic as this may sound, this happened to me eons ago and my heart have not healed from the pain. Say you are very near her neighborhood. When I say near, I mean you are under her void deck.

Then you called you up and say “Hey whatcha doin?! Guess where I am right now?”
And she excitedly says “Where?!”
And you say “Guess lah!”
And she says “I don’t know.”
And you say “I’m downstairs! Under your block! Hahaha! You wanna meet up?”
And her reply goes “Oh, I have to do the laundry / homework / feed the pet fish / watch the kettle boil….”

OUCH. I grew 3 years older from that conversation alone. If she prefers to do chores than to hang out with you, its a safe bet she don’t like you.

Dead Pet Fish4) You tell her you have a (fake) girlfriend and she is happy for you.
Another strategy to see if a girl likes you is to tell her that you are interested in another girl. This may be a blatant lie but what we want from this experiment is to observe her reaction. We need to see some form…. ANY FORM of jealousy, people. If she says stuff like “Good for you. I would love to meet her.” Pack your bags. Case close. All systems down. All your bases are belongs to us.

5) She does not mention you in her future plans.
Ask her about her plans for the future and if she goes on and on about traveling the world, having lots of cats, career and did not once mention your name. I say, its time for YOU to consider a future without her.

6) She does not care for your presence.
Ok, there is going to be yet another one of those lame chalet gathering and she is not going. Get a decoy and tell her about the gathering and now add this line “But “your name” will also be there.” If she says “So?!” That’s not the reply we are hoping for is it? But if she gets depress and profusely explains why she can’t make it or she tries her best to be there… Then she’s a keeper. :D

7) She logs out fast and often when she chats with you online.
Since we are in the internet age, chances are, most of you guys will chat online. If a girl likes you, she would like to chat with you for HOURS. But that is not a solid indicator. Pay attention to what sort of topic she is chatting on. If the chat is about how crappy her work is, her job and random life stuff and no flirty material… that is just an indication you might be in the friend-forever-alone zone.

celebrateIts time to pop the Milo and celebrate.

8. She said “No.”
There are some girls who play hard to get but if she gives you the “bored” look with a stern “No.”… that means its a no. It’s not a half yes. It doesn’t mean you raise it up a notch and woo her harder. There is no need to change strategy. Remember, time and the Playstation will heal all wounds.

Hope this helps. Now go find that girl and get married :P

Love Police strikes again,
Evil Bunny!

First Impression Deal Breakers

I saw this piece of article online about this Hong Kong celebrity by the name of Wong Cho Lam, who is 1.62m having a girlfriend who is 1.75. It is very RARE for a girl to give short guys a second look, so no wonder this is news.

To me, any guy who needs to tilt his head up to talk to a girl AND still manage to capture her heart got some serious Romeo skills.  Although I am 1.7m tall, and have no issues about height whatsoever, I feel for the short guys. He can be the best guy in the world but once the girl can see the top of your scalp, the woman brain shuts down and shows no interest.

Maybe perhaps they feel they are going out with their younger brother.

Anyway, to be fair, the most common first impression deal breaker for a guy is fat girls. A guy can be excited over an anonymous admirer but once he finds out she’s fat, all goes down the drain. I don’t want to be mean to all them big girls out there, but I’m spouting truth. -_-“ Perhaps, this will give you that extra push you to exercise? :S

I don’t like to disclose my love life but just for conversation sake, my personal first impression deal breaker, if I am looking for a girl that is, would be: arrogant-looking girls. You know… that I-can’t-live-without-Prada look. Yeah materialistic, arrogant girls turn me off.

So what’s yours? :)
Evil Bunny

Click to view pictures of the couple. They look so happee :)

Deal Breakers

Do you like me now?

Ok, I think a lot of you guys may have seen this video before. This vid always manage to crack me up. But at the same time, I feel bad for the girl because it’s apparent that she doesn’t have a clue. But I don’t blame her because she is young… I think like what.. 13 or 14?

If this is not a fake act of some sort, I can see that she is sick and tired of the dating scene. So sick and tired of the make-up she needs to wear, the endless “sexy” pics she have to post on MySpace, and check out 1.08… “I’m having a good time cause I like to drink”… hahaha..  Apparently she is frustrated and on the verge of going insane.

Ok, if any of you girls feel like this, let EB set the record straight.

1)      Girls ALWAYS have the upper hand.  You gals don’t really have to do much. Guys have been hard wired to pursue girls. Even if you have a bad hair day and your hair look like crap… I am telling you right now, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE a guy who will fall in love with you irregardless.

2)      No, you are not going to die a spinster. If you are a sociable person and do not lock yourself in your room, chances are, YOU ARE going to eventually, get married. I see girls turn on their desperate mode when they are unmarried and reaching 30. And usually it’s because they were too focus on their careers.

3)       Let us just say you are a girl with below average looks. Will you ever get married since most guys like pretty girls?
Yes. You will get married. However, you will most probably end up with a guy who has below average looks too. It’s a sad world, I know.

Hope that clears the air up abit.

Ok, I think I like you now,
Evil Bunny

Lies! Lies! Lies!

Some time ago, I received a blog entry that strike a chord in me. It was written by Muna and the title was “Snag that man”. There was this paragraph that made me nearly pooped in my pants and she wrote :

“what kind of guys do u get attracted to? rich ones? handsome ones? married ones? gigi-senget ones? and play your game. if he likes girls wearing tudung? wear one! if he likes submissive girls who say “yes, dear, no dear” than be one. cook for him. show him you care. then once u get married to him, then u can show your taring (fangs). heh heh.”

Woah. Even though I am well aware of this deceptive strategy (most guys are not) carried out by females worldwide, this is the very first time that a female actually confesses to it on her blog (so hence the pooping in pants reaction). It was like telling the world women’s secret formula, which is “We lie to get our man!” And guys, if you are not careful and don’t know how to play this game right, you will realize that the woman you dated is the not the same as the woman you marry. And how many marriages get broken because of this rude awakening!

After MarriageBefore and after marriage.

If you have not already realized it, this dating game, a lot of you are playing right now, is one big sham. Spending time watching movies, the countless late nights chatting via MSN and long talks at Starbucks DOES NOT make you “understand” the person better. You will never know how your girl and guy truly is UNTIL you marry and live with him/her. Dating only opens the gate to premarital sex (also known as “zina”). So in the occasional event that a girl comes to me and boastfully declare that her relationship with her boyfriend had reach the 10 year mark.. My first thought has always been on how much heavy petting is involved in that 10 years? So with that, I don’t know whether to congratulate or feel sorry for her.

Moving along now, only through marriage will you see your partner for what he/she truly is.. Just when you thought he is the guy who loves to whisper romantic nothings to you, you will learn that he is also the guy that likes to fart and scratch his crotch in between commercials. Yup, be prepared for that ladies!

popcornEven though this game of deception, is practiced by both males and females, I gotta state that, without causing a feminist stampede, women are by far more deceptive than men. They are so good at it, guys are confused to what’s truth and what’s not anymore. And they are ruthless! And they even have the stamina and put up a fake charade for YEARS!

I know a girl who ONLY cleans when the boyfriend comes to her place. I know of yet another “nice” pretty girl who declined the advances of a really nice guy which I thought is perfect for her… until one day, I managed to see through her deception strategy and realized that she only goes for men who own CARS! What a SHAM! Another girl acts coy in front of her boyfriend but all her friends know she is a debative b!tch who demands her way every single time. … so as you can see, we guys are in deep sh*t.

FlowersBefore I go out of point, my goal for this article is to equip the guys with at least some form of defense. Defense to counter the never-ending female deception and lies. Defense to counter girls who say “then once u get married to him, then u can show your taring (fangs).” Yup, defence from girls like Muna << and there’s A LOT of them! (I bet you are dating Muna girl right now!) Even though I know we guys are already on the losing end because our guy brain have been hijacked by the countless cleavage glimpses and hypnotic swaying of hips when our girls walk,.. we guys have to get it together and follow these easy steps.

Talk is cheap
Let us just say that you like a girl who is very clean. You have been living in a pigsty of a bedroom and you realized that you do not have this discipline or skill to get rooms clean and stay clean at all times. You cannot afford to have a messy wife because 2 messy people will be very bad.. What would the neighbors say? Cookie crumbs on the sofa? Pepsi cans on the TV? You will be like a pair of Oscars from Sesame Street.. So you vow to get a clean girl right? So what are you gonna do? Ask your girlfriend at point blank?

No girl in the right mind will acknowledge that she lives in filth. One way you can do is to visit her place unannounced. Give a quick 360 degree look at her living room and see what state it is in. If that is too intrusive for some of you, then do it my way, visit her at her workplace and look at her desk. A cluttered desk can inevitably be living with a spouse that does not know how to operate a vacuum cleaner.

Bribe a sibling
If you really want to know your girl through and through, you gotta have a date with her brother, if she have any. Treat him to a game of Counter Strike, or a movie and bribe him with porn… no lah depend on what sort of brother she have. Once he is soften up by the blatant bribery of naked women, ask him solid questions about his sister. Solid questions like “How much tolerance does she have with accidental gas movements?” “Is she okay with crotch scratching in between commercials” and “Does she know how to operate a vacuum cleaner.” Yup, nothing yaps more than a bribed sibling who is intoxicated with adult material.

Sibling BriberyHer bestfriend is YOUR bestfriend!
Besides siblings, your girlfriend’s close friends are also a good source to gather intelligence. I was dating this girl way back and she was complaining about her best friend walking out on her because she was late for a mere 15 minutes. To me, that was kinda harsh. I think 15 minutes is reasonable because sometimes, I can be late too. So I was totally supportive of my girl and I thought her friend was just being a time obsessive Nazi. But after a while, I realize why because the girl I’m going out with was a chronic late comer. 15 minutes to 30 minutes is norm and the worst part is her cell phone would be on vibrate mode and she will be listening to her Ipod in the bus, making her uncontactable!

So imagine, if you have been going out with this girl who you think is so sweet and suddenly one day her best friend just made a casual remark saying that she is very impatient or she likes to belittle people, or she is very vulgar. You gotta take that remark very seriously and start your detective work cause you don’t wanna tie the knot with a deceptive, impatient, condescending, vulgar girl now would you?

To conclude this article on relationships, I would like to leave one advice for the guys. “Do not be fooled because you love your girl so much that you can’t see past right and wrong!”

Love Guru strikes again!
Evil Bunny!

PS: And Muna, relax lah.. Remember that my disclaimer is the same as yours! “im joking ppl. JOKINGGGG!!!! pls dont take this toooooo seriously. cheers :D

Break Up

I got an email from a reader and she suggested that I wrote about break ups. The best way to cut ties without resorting to the usual profanity, tugging of hair and purchasing piles of voodoo dolls. Honestly, I am inexperience in this intricate field. I don’t have a string of girlfriends.. I think you must a girlfriend first before you can break up right.. so… I don’t really have much stories to share. But before I go on, I would like to share with you the long outdated poll that released sometime back.

Poll of marital status

Tsk Tsk.. The dark serpent speaks truth and yet nobody wanna listen to it. Hahah. Oh well, I just wanna tell you that I don’t likey sharing private matters with 11 peoples.. (Hahaha.. nolah, this site does receive more hits than 11… but it’s too modest for me to reveal the actual stats. I’ll release my web stats when the unique visitors hits 12. ?) Ok where was I? Yes, break ups… I do have a break up tale I like to share with you guys.. Man, this site is fast turning into some sort of a tabloid gossip, mushy Spiderman 3 kinda thing but oh well…

Ok, I was going out with this girl for several numbers of years.. When I say “going out”, I don’t really mean that. Actually I did liked her and I did “sounded” her to take this friendship to the next level but she refused.. Now, THAT was one big jab through the heart. But oh well, we still met up and she got a boyfriend serving in National Service. (lets call this girl NS-BF girl just to be clear) We always hung out together after school and we didn’t hold hands lah…


Then I met a girl through ICQ from all places.. (I don’t chat now. Chatting slows me down heaps.) I just done my first website.. yup my first.. It was an ambitious first try cause the buttons were images “Photoshopped” together… so once I was done, I hit the “Find random chatter” button and I got a list of names.. I prompt this girl to visit my website and she gave me some critiques. Then we started to chat.. and then she asked what my plans for the day are. I said, “I’m buying toys for this NS-BF girl cause her 23rd Birthday is coming. She got a sad childhood cause her parents did not buy her any toys when she was a kid so I thought I buy her some toys now.. Nobody is too late for a Barbie!” I tried a shot whether or not she wanna tag along and the stranger ICQ girl chatter said yes.

ICQ Romance

I panicked big time cause I never met strangers from the chat sites before. (Well, there was actually that one time I went to a dating site for some blind date thingy.) What if she take advantage of me, molest me or worse?….. AWESOME!

To cut the story short, after the first meeting, we started to spend time together.. then we would go out almost everyday.. then we would start chatting on the phone… then I realized that I’m starting to like this girl then I started to get super jealous if she talk to other guys…. So one fine day, I sounded her and she said “YES!”. An awkward YES but still a YES to me. AWESOME! Although I am technically not going out with NS-BF girl because she already turned down my “sounded” offer… I have this feeling that I gotta tell her that I’m seeing someone or it just won’t feel right.. You get what I’m saying?

First Date

I told myself that it would be a breeze.. we are not technically a couple right? I asked you to be my girlfriend and you refused and we still hung out. So I think she might be okay with it. But I have this odd feeling that things are gonna explode in my face.. And sure it did. She complained that her Mum was just admitted to the hospital and I chose a super bad timing to tell her this. I was confused.. I thought we are not going out..

Then she started to ask questions on who the girl is and how I met her. I don’t want to elaborate and she started to make assumptions. “Is she that indian girl you went out with twice? Was it the girl at the coffeebean that smiled at you? Or is it the girl with the tudung?” Man.. seriously, I can debate with anyone.. about anything.. politics, which movie is better and all that stuff.. but I just cannot out debate an angry woman. They think too fast, I can’t keep up. They make smart responses while I’m left with “Buts” and “Sorries”..

Couple Argument

She ended up giving me a bad eye and leaving the scene with me and my mocha frappicinno. I thought we could still be friends… and I did ask the NS-BF girl to met up again. She did but she gave me the cold, silent treatment. I told her that I’m not comfortable with her acting this way and she said, and I can still remember till today.. “If you not comfortable, you can leave.” Ouch.

Oh well, there are 2 sides to a coin and this is my version. Who knows one day, she’ll read this and email me her version.. Or maybe you guys can think up of her version.. Have a crack at it.. I love to see what sort of reasoning you can come up with.

Boyfriend on Standby

To conclude this article, I must say, that was a confusing chapter of my life and I learnt that diplomacy doesn’t work.

BF on stand by,
Evil Bunny

How to Nab that Girl! Part 2 of 2

After the first embarrassing-tell-all examples from Part one, it’s time for me to expose my own unofficial dating technique on how to win the heart of your girl. Like an animal in heat, we guys have to try all sorts of techniques to get the attention from the opposite sex… but unlike the Animal Kingdom, we don’t have shiny colorful feathers or a sexy mating dance. (If we do, then all of us will be line dancing by now.) God made our game more complex and it takes a lot of brain power, good clothes and skill for us guys to plant a flag on the girl that makes our heart melt.

The Teaser
Before I go on, you must be aware and be careful of the “teaser”. The teaser is a girl that would give blatant hints that she likes you but when you confess your feelings for her, she will reject you and deny any interests whatsoever.

The dating game is actually simple but teasers are the ones that makes it all crazy, humiliating and difficult. The teaser is what I refer to a girl who gives mixed signals. Sound, electrical, electromagnetic, morse code, .. whatever signal you can think off, she is there to manipulate it – and put your this-girl-like-me radar, all askew. The teaser can make any responsible, careful , decision making man into a bumbling idiot. But why would girls trick you by being flirty BUT have no intention to be with you? I’ve found a couple of reasons:-

1) Downright boredom

2) She’s just being a meanie. (Yup I know, its evil..more evil than me.)

3) And my favorite- she wants to see if her charm is still there.
Some single girls are teasers because they want to know if they are still in “demand”. So they send mixed signals just to let ANY guy do the approaching and when the guys does, she would say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m not interested.”

Check out a real-life teaser below.

“Oops!…I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m in love
That I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent

Innocence got nothing to do with it, being a cold-hearted, evil meanie is! :(

The Invisible Guard
So now that you are aware of the teaser, I will introduce to you to the “invisible guard.” Every nice girl has this invisible guard. You cannot see it (hence the name invisible) but you can sense it. It is the feeling of APPREHENSION when a girl sees another single guy her age. She is wary because she feels this opposite-gender attraction vibe that the guy emits. She knows that if a guy her age comes into the room and start to make eye contact, she immediately get her guard up and start scrutinizing him. And that is not a good thing. The game is difficult even before it starts. D:

Let me give you an example:

Have you been in a lift alone with an old auntie and you can chat with her like whatever but once the old auntie gets off her floor and comes in a girl that is around your age, you suddenly feels the tension? Suddenly the whole lift reeks of sexual pheromones, and both of you don’t talk but you try to steal glances and she goes awkward? This is the guard I’m talking about and looks like its on full gear, with barbed wires and all.

Note: The invisible guard is subjective. It’s intensity vary from different girls. If the girl likes you, she may lower her guard to a small wall that you can climb over with ease. But if you look like a Mr Personality or she had too many bad experiences with jerks, her guard can be in the form of an impenetrable fortress with security cameras.

Point your mouse over the girl to see her invisible guard.

Point your mouse over the girl to see her invisible guard.

So how in the world can you prove to her that you are the nice guy she’s been looking for when she would not even give you a chance to begin with? How do you demolish that wall or at least make a small enough hole for you to get into her sacred Wonderland- a place where bunnies fly and chocolate tulips grow?

Pretend you are not interested in her and act like one of her random friend.
Yup, you read it right. Even though you have a shrine of her and collected her hair, skin and stool sample in neat little jars next to her picture, you cannot, at all cost, give her a hint that you are interested in her in the beginning. (Look at this mess, the girl who doesn’t like the guy, teases him, while the guy who like the girl can’t show his love. What a warp world we live in -__- ) If you like the girl and passionately show it even before the girl knows you well enough, the game is over even before it starts. The girl will start to scrutinize you and being the Mr Personality that you are, the results are not gonna be good. You have just sabotaged yourself.

What you gotta do is to show her that you are the next, regular guy friend that she has. Electric neutrons will start to send signals to her female brain, telling her there is no threat. “This guy is just another male bloke friend of mine. Whatever.” (But little does she knows that this bloke is a man on a mission. A mission to win her heart!) That way, she is calms down and she don’t see you as yet another annoying suitor.

When the guard is lowered, you can then, make your move as in, do little gestures to show that you care, have meaningful conversations, engage her mind and thoughts, make her laugh etc. But overall you MUST be sincere. If you are tired and can’t help her out then say “No.” Don’t be too eager to please… that sort of thing don’t work.

So that means, you must control yourself not to look at her every 5 seconds, keep your jaw intact and not drool, stay calm even though you are mess inside and act as if you don’t notice her. As days, weeks, months goes by, your nice-Mr Personality character will start to shine and if she have any shred of good in her, she will recognize it and appreciate your company. Soon, you will realize that she will start to contemplate you as more than a friend and ask herself question like “He is ugly but he got a good soul.” or “He is so nice to me, but I wish he would trim that hair coming out from his nose.”

The BaitThis scenario is equivalent to the one below.

Bait TigerThe dating game, explained in Discovery Channel style.
Like a weak baby foal who is lost in search of its mother,
you the carnivorous predator must strike now. Go for the jugular!

Real case scenario:
I asked a pretty girl on why she refuses the advances of a fellow suitor. Her reply was: “He seemed too eager.” That was the day I learn my lesson. I thought eager was good. Eager is when you are ready to burst all your love out, ready to serve the girl you adore. Eager, is “I’m ready to do anything that pleases you, so just ask for it and I will try my damnedest to make you happy.” But I guess girls see eager as a turn off. And I have been eager sooooo many times. :(

Real life eager example:
A friend of mine was interested in this girl and he kept giving her hints. The girl won’t budge and scoff at every attempt that he made. Then this friend of mine, cease all advances totally. He was pissed and he was tired of chasing so he stopped all smses and phone calls. The girl started to call him instead and that was the start of his relationship. They got married end of last year :)

Sorry, I’m attached
Another way to bring that guard of her down is to say you are attached on day one, even though it’s not true. Yes, now you have an imaginary girlfriend. I can see girls talk easy with me once they know I’m attached. The minute she knows I have a girlfriend, you can see the calm in her eyes. Her guard will be lowered because she thinks that you are not pursuing her. So she don’t feel all stressed out.

Another good thing about this is that, let’s face it, girls like guys who are attached. This analogy is the same as the employer who is conducting an interview. If you say that you have been unemployed for months even though it’s true, you will project an undesirable image to the employer. You will not be able to negotiate a higher salary because the employer knows that you are not sought after. So your value decreases. On other hand, if you say you are currently working, you are telling him that “I am needed in my present company. Even if you don’t give me this job, I have nothing to lose. So make me a good offer.”

So likewise, the girl will find you intriguing. Since she got her guard down, you are free to make your advances and if you can make her laugh and treat her right etc. she will start thinking. “I like this man. He makes me happy. I gotta start turning my charm on so that he will open his eyes and dump that b!tch of his.” But she doesn’t know that the b!tch doesn’t even exist. :P

BelieveDon’t mention your fake gf too often. Use the fake gf trick sparingly.
Dump your fake gf fast.
Honestly, I’ve never used this fake gf technique. I include it in because I realize that girls are not as apprehensive once they know I am with someone
and not interested in them :P

Desperate times calls for Desperate skills.
Lets us just say, you are not comfortable cheating on a fake girlfriend or you don’t think you can keep up with the charade. There’s one more thing you can do.. get a skill. I have seen toads at chalet gathering swarmed with girls just because they are good playing the guitar. He would croon, “Ode to my family” from the Cranberries and girls would be singing with him like blind zombies. In between the chorus, they seem to have forgotten that he’s a toad and what matters is that the song is awesome. They want to bring him home so that he can strum his guitar in their living room. I wish I can play the guitar. -__-”

Funny Guitar

Click here to view video

One thing good about skills is that you can target the type of girls that you like. If you dress up all black and do awesome magic, you’ll attract goth girls. If you start a rock band and actually play good music that manage to hit the radio waves, you’ll get tattooed, wild rocker chicks. (I saw this popular rock band on TV and the musician was this fat slob with dreadlocks but he got 2 hot rock chicks hanging out in his studio. If the fat slob was a bus driver, the girls will be nowhere in sight.) If you happen to create an Enjet – Enjet semut cartoon and then decided to post crappy articles on your website, you’ll get Minahs adding you to Friendster  hee. (Before that, I have only 5 friends and 1 testimonial.)

Plant your Flag
So, your dream girl has lowered her guard and you have successfully infiltrated her domain. She signaled some positive vibe and both of you enjoy each other’s company. You guys are hanging out in groups all the time.. (I said hanging out, not making out.) But it’s not the end, she is susceptible to other advancement from other guys because she is technically still single. This is what you gotta do. You have to plant your flag. Locally, minahs call it the “sound”.

The SoundThe “sound” is the breaking point; it’s life and death! It’s the point where you can either see the fruit of your investment or a total waste of time by some teaser. I know it’s gonna be tough because you are putting yourself on the spot. Your ego and dignity is at the lowest and it’s free for her to trample on if she wants too. But it’s okay because you are a guy. And guys should be tougher and have a thicker skin than girls, that’s what at least I tell myself whenever I want to sound a girl. Most guys like to do it over the phone. I like to do it face to face. But what do you say to her? Every guy has his means.

The Romeo guy will spout poetry and other subtleties, another guy may use shadow puppets to express how he feels, some guys turned their gay mode on and start to blab about his feelings; the last time I did it was like securing a business deal. Haha! You can relay the message anyway you like but all messages must have:

1) the clear confession of love for the girl to assert that this is no mixed signal and to acquire whether she feels the same.
2) the suggestion to bring the friendship to another level ie; of a couple
3) the clear rule that neither party should welcome the advancement of other suitors.

If she agrees to all conditions then, congratulations, you are now finally attach to the girl of your dreams! If she don’t, pick up your broken heart, don’t watch any romantic movies or listen to love songs for 6 months straight. Heal. And then start to find another girl. And ladies, when you make your decision, be sure that you have thought about it carefully because guys don’t like to sound twice on the same girl.

My vivid memory of sounding a girl was years back. I expressed everything and she grew pale. Then she looked like she wanted to puke. After that, she said..

Pale FaceThat’s right folks- a girl gotta think 24 hours to get hook up with me. It was like waiting for some test result. Worst than O levels. But did she say yes? Hey I gotta draw the line somewhere right?

I’m not telling,
Evil Bunny

PS: Last but not least, I just have to add that sometimes when you can’t get a certain girl, it’s because she has a specific prerequisite, example;some girls doesn’t like short guys or guys who are younger than her etc. So if she rejects you, don’t be too hard on yourself.

DISCLAIMER: The techniques I shared with you above might be used by jerks so girls be EXTRA careful. I do not like to promote free-mixing and I am Pro-marriage. I discourage holding hands because little things like these will lead to unhealthy lifestyles example; fornication. So hang out in groups and don’t touch nothing. And yes, it can be done!

Nab a Girl Part 1 of 2

I got an email from a guy who wanted to win the heart of a minah sometime back and he wanted some advice from me. I wrote an article about “How to nab yourself a nice guy” for them nice girls out there so I guess its only fair if I write something for them nice guys.

But first and foremost, I gotta tell you that I’m not the best person to consult in issues like these cause I am no expert at winning the heart of a girl. I don’t have a string of girlfriends nor am I able to acquire a string of girlfriends even if I try. However, I do have some experiences to share and maybe you can relate. And always remember that ALL my posts should never be taken seriously :)

Okay let us start. I know how it feels to be lonely and I was lonely for a loooong a$$ time. When my friends were having girlfriends and break ups, I’m the only guy without any of that. (Where were you oh female Happeepill fans when I was in school?) And I can never forget how frustrating and brutal this “dating game” can be. So, I try to remind myself never to take fulfilling relationships for granted.

Left OutGet back to work, Evil Bunny.Get back to work.

Calling Mr Personalities!
I know of this guy once who is blessed with good looks. He reminded me of the Pied Piper and his mice.. whenever he goes, the mice will follow… and in this case, the mice are girls of all races. He doesn’t need nice clothes to compliment his looks, heck he can be wearing a gunny sack and still girls will swarm to him like bees to honey. And since he is a natural mesomorph, he gained muscle fast and with ease and have a greek-statue like physique. (No emailing me for his name and number please.)

He even confessed to me on how easy he could pick up girls for one night stands. For me, I can barely say hi to a girl without stuttering. I don’t know where he is now while I type this, but most probably he’s cozy in bed with yet another girl imparting his Kamastura skills. But the only thing I disliked about him was when he kept mentioning to girls he met that he was a virgin.

Virgin GuySo this article is not meant for guys like him. This guy does not have a clue how frustrating it is to get rejected by a girl. EVER! His rules of dating is completely different from us average joes, mats, bengs and the likes. He’s dating manual describes which cheap hotel to go to and where is the nearest abortion clinic. For the rest of us, our manual covers anxiety attacks, dealing with utter humiliation and to consider match-making as the last resort.

This article is targeted towards guys you won’t notice in a crowd. They are your “Mr Personalities”. I was “complimented” by some girl way back saying that I had personality. And everybody knows what that means…

Even though the message is brutal, I must admit the tune is pretty catchy.

Rules of the game
Before I blab on, let me explain quickly on how this game is played for both guys and girls. To be honest guys, the girl is the one that gives you the chance. She decides who is worthy to enter her sacred wonderland. However hard you may try; a million roses you buy, numerous 1 million pieces puzzle you try to impress her, if she doesn’t like you, its game over even before the game starts. Stop your pursuing. Drop that origami cranes and love paper hearts in a jar.

But what if you want to be “persistent”.. you tell yourself you never gonna give give up and you FORCE YOUR LOVE on her. There’s another term people use when guys force themselves on a girl; its called rape.

Paper stars

I’ve know so many guys who actually took time to make these
to win the heart of a girl. 100 paper stars in a jar.
If only we have a mating dance, there will be less heartache.

However, the game has a slight twist to it! And I’m happee (check out the spelling of happee, very matching with the website right? Haha), that this twist exists. For without it, more tears will flow down my furry cheeks. You see, even though, the girl is the one that gives you the ultimate permission to whether you have the chance or not, you the guy, are given the liberty to choose the girl that you want to pursue. Nice. Fair right?

Girls don’t get that chance because girls does not like and don’t want to make the first move. If you guys are still blur on what Im trying to say, check out the drawing below.

Trading CardsThe rules of the game.. explained in Pokemon-like trading cards.
It can’t get any clearer than this!

Another thing that I like to add, is that guys and girl have totally different priorities when choosing their future mate. I know a lot of you girls find this hard to swallow, but guys are visual creatures. They see visual attraction first. If they don’t like what they see, they go somewhere else. Yes, the word to use is we are SHALLOW. If you understand this concept and accept it and stop defying and denying it, you will eventually understand guys better in general. But wait a minute, don’t go ditch your clothes and go shopping for halter tops that show cleavage and such. Wearing such stuff brings lots of attention… but only the wrong kind of attention.

I read in a magazine article that this visual attraction is ingrain in the man. When he sees a woman with wide hips and ample bosom (ample bosom is a polite way to say “big breasts”), his man brain tells him that that woman is fit for child bearing.

However, women on the other hand doesn’t seem to mind if her guy looks like an insect. If the guy treats her right and he’s a genuine nice guy, the girl can show off her praying mantis to her friends and say proudly “This is my man! Now back off!” That explains some disgusting looking guys you see having cute girlfriends walking along Orchard Road.

Ugly Boyfriend

We all have witness it. Gorgeous looking girls with not so good looking guy friends.
Guys like these give millions of Mr Personalities hope:)

Before we go on further, let me share with you with some humiliating pitfalls that below-average looking guys gotta go through. Yes, laughing at other people misery is always quality entertainment.

Case scenario 1:
I liked this gorgeous girl once at school and never had the chance to talk to her then one day, due to some cosmic miracle of fate, I found myself in a school lift with her. It’s just me and her so it’s the perfect time to strike a conversation.

Being NervousI drew wings on her because she looks like an angel. Hahaha

My brain can’t function, I was too mesmerized with her looks that my tongue tied itself a reef knot. Minutes passed and yes, we reach the ground floor without me saying nothing. I nearly crap in my pants because of the anxiety. And to add sodium chloride to a blistering laceration, I tried one last attempt. Maybe I could walk with her close enough to say hi BUT, MY FREAKING HAVERSACK got lodge on a metal pole! ( I was leaning against it you see.)

She walked on and I was left tryin to wrestle with my bag. The lift door shuts and I went back up…. Kwa Kwa Kwaaaa…….

StuckOne of those things that I can never forget.
Now that was painful. Want another one? You guys are sadists!

This happens to a friend of mine. He said he saw a girl working at some stall selling breakfast munchies in a neighborhood mall that gave him eye contact and he felt a good vibe. My friend is no James Dean but I guess this might be his chance. He wants me to accompany him one day for support cause he’s gonna make the ultimate shy, nice guy kamikaze- he wants to give the girl his number written on a piece of paper that he wrote with his best handwriting.

I gave him a pep talk like a coach psyching a boxer before a match. He was ready. Its just passing a piece of paper.. how bad can it get? The moment of truth came… He hands the paper to the girl and said “This is for you.” I’m hiding behind a pillar. Then seconds turned into humiliating minutes. The girl REFUSED TO TAKE THE PAPER and left my friend hanging. I can see cobwebs form. The staff was looking at him weird. Even though I was behind the pillar, I can feel the pain. Jabbing an ice pick through his heart and dumping it into 2 slices of kaya bread will be better than this.

Embarrasing RejectionThe “crunch” is the sound of my friend’s heart breaking.

My friend gave a sigh of disappointment and place the paper in his pocket and walk towards me. The nightmare doesn’t ends there. We rode back home on his bike. Man, I thought that was going to be my last ride because he was riding like the Ghost Rider. With fists full of throttle, he swerve and cut lanes like as if he was the only one on the road. Check blind spots before turning? He was BLIND to blind spots! Clearly he was pissed and depressed. I tap on his shoulder to calm him down.

SpeedThen he composed himself and ride slower until we reached my void deck. He didn’t say much but I can see his eyes was red. He was crying throughout the reckless journey. What is the moral of the story? Never ride a freaking Super Four with a broken-hearted man. That and, ladies, if a guy hands you a freaking paper, just take it and if you don’t like the guy just throw the damn paper away when he leaves. Your irresponsible actions not only caused humiliation, it can also endanger lives of motorists.

Mr. Personalities don’t have it easy.

I think I gotta split this article into 2 parts. Sometimes I wonder why I have to blab this long? I’ll get to the tips on how to nab a girl next week. Exercise patience please!

Girls make us do silly things,
Evil Bunny

Jump to Part 2!

How to Nab Yourself a Nice Guy

Sometimes I feel sorry for the nice girl next door. Seriously I do. You know who she is… She’s decent looking, she watches Garfield movies, and spam you with cartoon bear pictures saying “Have a nice weekend” and other girly things. She can’t do no harm cause she’s just a girl. She has fits of temper now and again but hey, who doesn’t get mad right? But her tantrum is never destructive. She does not bang tables or scream like a howler monkey. She just give you a bad eye and say the crappiest thing she can think off just to get back at you and if you go argue with her long enough, she’ll cry. Yup, that’s what nice girls do.

Myspace GraphicSpam from a nice girl.

But all so often I see this same girl get herself in much distress. And if you look hard enough, her problems does not come from her; but actually from her jerk boyfriend. And most nice girls have experienced a jerk boyfriend before. Maybe you are dating this jerk right now. As nice girls are, sometimes I have to admit they are TERRIBLE at choosing their guys. (But then again, I don’t blame them cause guys can come out with an act so convincing, they make Denzel Washington look like a part-time B-movie actor.)

Yes, he may look extremely cute with that ear stud on, but if you are not careful, you will be lining up at the abortion clinic after 3 weeks and suddenly that ear stud doesn’t look cute anymore.

Hubby MatThis guy just screams husband material.

And yes, girls whether nice or not, have this burden of getting pregnant so your guard must be switched on double time because guys can be ruthless. Guys on the other hand requires no guard.. Cause they are on constant attack mode. And they’ll use all sorts of ways and lines and ear studs just to get what they want. And I’m not talking about emotionally rewarding relationships here.

So for this article, let us take a closer look at the mind of the male. With these guidelines, hopefully, you’ll meet nice guys who are available and straight. And yes they are still around and yes there thousands of them. And to me, I believe nice girls deserve nice guys.

xrayNice guys don’t have a smart mouth.
Spotting a nice guy is easy if you know what to look for. If a nice guy is angry at a certain individual, he does not know how to retaliate with smart words. His nice mind is not trained to think of sarcastic, manipulative thoughts on a dateline. So he just keeps his cool and walk away. Mind you, that does not mean he’s never mad. He’s human, he gotta be mad sometimes but he doesn’t know how to express it right there and then. He only says nasty stuff hours after the incident happened and everybody had left. And even if he tries to say something smart to hurt the other person, his words will appear stupid.

Nasty person: You are a freaking donkey!
Nice Guy: Well, a donkey.. err.. is an animal good for manual labour!

Nasty person: You are like a freaking donkey!
Nasty guy: F&*k you! Well, you are a freaking flying pig! You know why you are flying pig? That’s because your mother blah..blah.. blah..

He can’t think nasty comebacks on demand because he is brought up in an environment that does not need to think and hurl sarcastic remarks every few minutes. I know of a jerk at school once and how good he is at nasty comebacks. You cannot out debate him and he appears to win every verbal disagreement because he kept coming up with these smart defensive things like he got a talent for it. I always wonder where he learns this sh!t from.

Lo and behold, he invited me to his place for a school project and I realized that he got his training from his Mum. She would barrage him with constant questions and verbal attacks on chores not being done and how messy he was. His tactic was to defend himself and sometimes he made good remarks but most of the time he would crashed and burned. His Mum was no match for him. She would out talk him into submission but he was tapping. However, his Mum was unrelenting and she went for the humiliating verbal chokehold.

Verbal AbuseYeah, he may win at arguments in school but his life is verbal hell at home.

So if you want a nice guy, listen to what he gotta say when he’s being verbally assaulted. If he doesn’t say much but just swears here and there.. he’s a good guy! But if he retaliates with well thought sarcastic, creative insults with poetic rhythm, stay the hell away from him!

Nice guys have nice friends
If you want to see if this guy is a jerk or someone you can show off to your parents, just take a look at his friends. Nice guys surrounds themselves with nice people. Don’t confuse acquaintances with friends. Locate who he spends with all the time.. If you like his friends, very high chance you gonna like him too.

Nice guys are shy.
Have you heard of the term “Nice guys finish last?” This is where the phrase comes from cause nice guys are usually shy. There are some shy jerks out there too but the majority bulk of nice guys are shy when it comes to being with the opposite sex. He may be an out spoken, funny clown with his guy friends but get a girl he like in the mix and he goes quiet. Jerks are usually confident wise a$$ who comes to you and ask for your number. Nice guys are the ones who admire you in secret.

HideThere is 1 jerk and 8 hiding nice guys. Can you spot them all?

So how do you nab a nice guy that strikes your fancy? You gotta do the approaching. Yup, you heard me. Its better to approach 1 nice guy then being approached by 10 jerks wouldn’t you say. I know you girls have egos too so in order to keep them fully intact; approach him through friends. Hang out in groups.

Always start as friends and give him CLEAR hints that you like him. (I don’t consider myself a nice guy.. I’m the Evil Bunny remember? But, the clearest hint that a girl ever gave me was when she said “I like spending time with you Evil Bunny, let’s not go home so early.” And it was already 1 am.) If you realized that he is not interested in you and the word spreads, just use the good ol’ “I’m nice to you doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.” line. Girls use that all the time and gotten away with it since dinosaurs roamed the land.

Nice guys are nice to humans AND animals.
This subtlety is often overlooked but it carries some substantial weight. A nice guy spreads his niceness irregardless if you are human or you have fur on your face. His niceness knows no bounds. He is nice to you and he will also be nice to a cat, hamster or your pet parakeet. I remembered this incident at East Coast. I was invited to the usual get-together barbecue and I was introduced to a couple of guys I’ve never met before. I noticed one of them grab a stray cat by its neck. You can see that the cat is not comfortable to be manhandled in that sort of fashion so it started to hiss and scratch the guy’s arms.

CatBut jerks being jerks they are, do what they do best, so he refuse to let go. But once he did, the cat scurried and hid under a park bench. I would totally understand if it’s a 5 year old kid who is curious about furry animals.. that’s what kids do, but this is a 20-something year old guy we are talking about. Now, even the cat knows that this guy is not boyfriend material but not this friend of mine, who so happen to be one of the nicest girls I’ve met.

So if you wanna test if a guy is a good guy and worth your time, observe how he treats animals especially strays at coffeshops. If he sees a cat and does not bug it, he’s a good guy. If he gives some chicken meat to the starving kitty, he’s a GENEROUS good guy. If he makes stamping noises with his feet to chase a cat away, he’s an a$$hole.

Nice guys are God conscious
When I mean nice, I mean the guy knows from right and wrong. I don’t mean he’ll open doors for you or say “Good morning” to everyone or say “Thank You”, everytime without fail. He is human not your courtesy mascot. He knows when to keep quiet and when to talk. He is sensitive to other people’s feelings and he hates confrontation. But where does he get all his code of conduct from? Cause we know that some people think that orgies are as harmless as new born butterflies while some people abhors it. So where do nice guys get their set of “good behaviour” rules from? The government? No.. From religion.

Heaven and Hell

The struggle of good and evil will prevail until the end of time.

Nice guys are usually God conscious people. They believe in an afterlife and they believe in the punishment and reward system. Heaven & hell. Jerks who believes in Darwinism believe that when they die, it’s all black and nothing happens so that means they think that they can cheat/harm anyone and get away with it. “If the police don’t catch me, I’m a free man.” Or that’s what they think. I read in a news article that lists 4 points that suggest a marriage bound for divorce (it’s a collection of statistics from the US.)

The marriage is bound for divorce if:
1) Age: the couples are young
2) Income: the couples are poor
3) Religion: the couples are not religious
4) Err.. I forgot about the last point. Sorry.

Oh where, oh where, is my little nice guy. Oh where can he be?
You have all these guys roaming around so where do you start?

Clubs, nightspots, discos; whatever you call them, are the worst. If your idea of a nice guy is someone who would have sex with you and never call you back, that’s the place to be. But if you want a nice guy to settle down with and raise babies, look elsewhere.

Chatting online is one way. I totally recommend it IF you can “read people” through their words. Most girls unfortunately don’t have this skill. Chatting is a good way to weed out jerks and guys who are incompatible intellectually. I say start with the people you know, your friends, your co-workers etc… the key here is for you to be sociable. Nice guys are very shy and if you are shy too, nothing is going to happen. And when I say sociable I don’t mean you ditch your modesty. Saying “Hi” FIRST to a nice guy is a step you can try.

GPSNever settle for less
Your parents are pressurizing you into marriage. The clock is ticking. So you grab the first nice guy that come along even though he looks like a toad? Wrong. Even if the pressure is suffocating, remember that this is your guy and you are gonna spend time with him and not your parents or friends. If you like a nice guy with good looks, by all means wait. Never settle for less or you gonna regret it. However, let me remind you that there is only 1 Brad Pitt and only 1 Tom Welling. And both are married. The secret is to get a nice guy with at least having the potential to look good. Nice guys don’t have a string of dates. They need help with choosing their clothes.

So after you secure the deal, don’t change him overnight cause he will think that you are bossy (even though it’s true). Coax him to lose that long hair of his. Lie to him that you saw a cockroach crawled in his mustache. Tell him that he needs new clothes for an event coming up and buy a new set of clothes that YOU chose. Make him wear it and smile like never before and boost his confidence by saying that he look good in that G2000 shirt and it doesn’t even cost much. Decorate him like a Christmas tree. Soon you’ll notice that you turned that toad to a toad with nice clothes. And trust me other girls will start noticing. Now, you have the problem of getting those b!tches off your nice man.

ToadBe honest. I know you want to date that toad now.

Admit it, girls like bad boys.
Last but not least, sometimes nice girls fail to get a nice guy because they find bad boys alluring. You should see how their eyes twinkle when they see a tribal tattoo on his neck, or his split toungue. Yes, self mutilation is so arousing isn’t it. If you are bad girl, you deserve a bad guy cause you are qualified to hook him on your leash cause you know the terrain well.

Good girls on the other hand, don’t have a clue. So they crash and burn but they don’t learn from their mistake and keep dating a whole set of jerks. They grew accustomed to guys borrowing money from them to buy cigarettes. They think its okay to be called a b!tch everytime they argue. They tolerate a punch on the shoulder because they thought that’s how guys are; they are rough. They thought all guys do that. Maybe jerks do, not nice guys.

You want real-life examples? Check out the Miami Sound Machine’s Gloria Estefan music video. Now Gloria here is hot! But see how she adores bad boys. The lyrics goes like this:

bad boy
you make me feel so good.
The way you hold me tight
you get me so excited

boys will be boys -
nothin’ but trouble -
boys will be boys -
leave me feelin’ breathless -

And when he drives me home
I feel safe at night

“And when he drives me home I feel safe at night?” Can’t you see he’s trying to earn your trust so that he can get in your pants, Gloria? Oh well.. see for yourself.

On the other hand, this girl called Sita has enough of the sh!t thrown at her and finally decides to heed my advice and dump her jerk. Check out her lyrics below:

Since you’ve been gone I feel so much better
‘Cause I saw how mean you could be
I used to want some explanation
Now all I want is my Patsy Cline CD

How I’ve waited for today
When I could finally say

You jerk
You jerk
You are such a jerk

They want to be your friend
How come jerks don’t know they’re jerks?

“How come jerks don’t know they’re jerks?” How about, “How come girls can be so blind?”

I used to be a jerk, but now I’m pure evil.
Evil Bunny

PS: I wanted to post of some photos of nice guys I personally know but since alot of them are just damn shy, all of them refused. -__-

DISCLAIMER: This article is targeted for those single ladies on how to nab a nice guy for marriage and not for a fling. I do not encourage promiscuous behaviour in any way, shape or form. Nor am I responsible for any lewd acts that might occur once you have successfully found your nice guy.