I Found Money!

Besides getting straight As for your PSLE, finally getting married, and winning a free toaster in a lucky draw, one of the memorable moments in anybody’s life is when you find free money. Money itself is very hard to come by and you practically have to work long hours just to get a couple of dollars especially in Singapore. So when you do found a helpless 2 dollar bill on the pavement, you can’t help but have this warm, fuzzy feeling inside :)

So for this article, I want to share with you 3 true stories on how random people found free cash.

The first candidate is a female friend of mine. It was Hari Raya and she had just returned from visiting relatives with the family and when she was walking home, she found a piece of Malay ang pow lying on the ground. She thought it must be an empty packet but she picked it anyway to check the contents and sure enough, there was a $2 bill sitting nicely inside.

Just when she is about to place the ang pow in her hand bag, she saw another ang pow packet nearby.

She picked the other ang pow up and found a $5 dollar bill. Now sh!t just got serious and immediately she decide to scan the entire area crawling on the pavement and grass for more ang pow packets. She found 30 packets more with each of them containing either a $2 or $5 bill.

It looks like some Malay kid got careless and have lost his/her ENTIRE Raya collection and I bet he/she is scarred for life. -__-”

To make sure she scanned our entire HDB block thoroughly, she went upstairs, place her handbag in her room and went downstairs again to double check again. XD I don’t think the CID forensic team is that thorough if they are out finding clues. :P

Another case is when a close friend of mine found some money at McDonald’s. He saw a piece of $50 dollar bill lying on a table and there was nobody in sight. He took the money and immediately his internal good and evil desires come into play (some of you may call it your conscience) and he wrestled with himself whether to keep the money or not.

His options are:
1)    To declare publicly that he found the money.
2)    To give it to the McDonalds floor manager.
3)    To keep it since he found it.

Option 1
Announcing to the rest of the McDonald’s patron may backfire because, some scheming punk might admit that its his money even though it may not be true.

Option 2
Returning it to the floor manager does not seem right because the floor manager might keep it for himself. And giving back to McDonalds, a million BILLION dollar enterprise does not make sense.

Option 3
Since it’s a piece of $50 bill and not a wallet with an identity card, nobody can tell who the rightful owner is. So he decided to eat his meal and wait to see if any frantic person would come to the same place searching for lost cash. After a long while, he saw nobody in sight.. and that means he got 50 bucks richer. Kah-ching!

The 3rd incident is from yours truly. I just got back from work and got off at Pasir Ris MRT station. I exited towards White Sands and smack right in the middle of the pavement was a $10 bill. The odd thing was that it was in plain view and passers-by are oblivious to it. It’s like suddenly the crowd became blind or something.

At first I thought it was a trap, a-Candid-Camera-Gothca-lets-see-who-take-the money-kinda-prank but the $10 is just lying there in the open, I would be a fool not to claim it.

However, the funny thing is, I could just walk to the cash and picked it up casually like any adult but noooooo… I had to imagined myself as an eagle, locked my sights on the cash, made an eagle sound effect to myself and swooped down and grab the money with my “talon” hands with 3 fingers. Don’t ask why I did that. If you have my brain, it makes perfect sense to do the things that I do. -__-“

I place the $10 in my wallet where it rightfully belong and skipped all the way home like a little, happee, school girl. Hee.

So have you guys found money before? (Finding money in your Dad’s wallet while he is sleeping doesn’t count. :P ) Do share your story via email or comment below. :D

Why can’t money find me D:,
Evil Bunny!

Top 3 Worst Teachers of All Time

Ok since I wrote an article about my top 3 Fav teachers… Now let me write about the worst teachers I came across throughout my school life. To help retain their dignity, I will mask their names.. so let’s start with…

#3 Mdm S and Mr T
Now these two teachers have adopted the notorious, old school, Tiger style way of teaching. If you don’t do anything to their liking, be sure to expect some condescending remarks. It’s as if they thrive at belittling others. Mr T was so strict that he would blast any yawning student (even if done quietly) while he was teaching. Because of this, everybody gotta yawn through their nose. I still remember he gave me a hard time on the first day of school. And that is after I volunteered to clean the blackboard for him. -__-

And he is also the one that said “You students cannot even smell the doorstep of Raffles Institution.” As you can see, he treats RI as some sort of education Heaven. He reminds me of the kiasu parent that forces their unwilling kids to play piano or violin because he equate this as success… What a dumba$$.

Mdm S on the other hand was in charge of discipline for the whole damn school. I believe she learn her discipline methods from China’s concentration camps. If you did any wrong, she would first ask you to state your case. While you are frantically explaining to her, you can see that she is not listening and give you the brain-dead look. After you are done speaking, she will disagree with you no matter what, so there goes your legs – You have to stand outside the teachers room throughout the entire recess time. What’s worse… that woman only took 1 or 2 MC ever throughout her teaching career. I guess traumatizing Primary school children will keep a middle age woman healthy and stress free. Bluegh. :P

Teacher TJust another day for Mr T.

#2 Mr P
Next is a Malay teacher by the name Mr P. Now this guy is the mark of an expensive, lazy civil servant I so abhor. He walks around with a huge pot belly. He mumbles to himself when he teaches Malay and the best part is, he will sleep right in front of his students in the middle of class. Our Malay class is located in a secluded part of school so he thinks he can get away with it until one day the principal did his routine walkabout and saw Mr. P all asleep like a baby with us 5 students chatting by ourselves. The Principal did not interrupt his sleep but continue his walk and came back again to see Mr P still sleeping. Haha.

Honestly I’m glad that happened. To cut the story short, Mr P finally woke up, wipe off his drool and realizes the trouble he is in. From all the students, he asked me to relay to him what happened in private. “You slept in class and got caught fool!” I didn’t say it like that. But you get what I mean. From what I know, the Principal told him to take a couple of days off to set himself straight. He did not sleep in class after that :P

Teacher Sleeps

#1 Mr B
Now this is a teacher from Hell. Mr B is one of those old school, narrow minded, feckless Malay teacher I’ve seen to date. I don’t know how he landed in the payroll to begin with. He also sees himself as a defender of Islam even though his methods of preaching got nothing to do with Islam whatsoever. Instead of teaching the Malay language, each student have to stand one by one and recite Quranic verses that we are supposed to memorize. I bet he did that just to kill time.

He also has a special way to punish students. Since he is very “pious” he would make students write on a piece of paper on the floor BUT you must be in the prostrating position. So that means the students will look as if they are bowing/praying/prostrating to the rest of the class. -__-

He reminds me of the stupid, strict “Islamic” Dad that forces his children to pray but knows zero hadith cause he is too lazy to study himself. After a couple of months went by and totally NO Malay homework was given, I told my Mum and she complained to the HOD. The school told him that every student needs to have X number of Malay compositions done by the end of the term. Since we did nothing but recite Quranic verses the whole time, now he tells us to copy, Malay compositions from the blackboard. -__- When the school saw that the whole class having the same, identical compositions…. Shortly after, I’ve never heard of him again. :P


Where do they get these crazies from?
Evil Bunny!

PS: Do you have any experience with the best and worst teachers? Email me your story at happeepill@gmail.com :D

Happy Teachers’ Day! :D

Okay I just realized that 2nd of Sept was Teachers Day! I totally need to write down all holidays down so I won’t miss any important events. Oh well, to all the Teachers out there.. “Happy Teachers Day” and here is a list of my Top 3 Fav Teachers of All Time!

# 3 – Miss Hernie
3rd spot belongs to Miss Hernie because she taught me English and the fact that she is hot as hell :P As a growing teenager who was shy to approach any girls… Miss Hernie gave me the attention I need. Yeah! She is also a fan of my English compo writing and made me stand in front of the class to read my work.. without fail. And I can still remember her perfume as whenever she walk pass me during assembly… you can’t miss it. She is very feminine and speaks with a soft, clear voice and never lose her temper and never screams. Wah.. if I was slightly older than her back then I would definitely PURSUE!

Canteen#2- Mrs Koh
Mrs Koh is another Secondary School English teacher and she enjoys reading my essays. She knows how to handle the class well, meaning.. she would know when to be fierce and when to be kind with her students.. (Unlike some teachers I know who are always in a bad mood as if they are trapped in this eternal PMS.) Something that I can’t master when I was a relief teacher :P

The last memory I had of Mrs Koh was me giving her mug and a Teachers day card as a gift. She was so appreciative, I thought she was going to kidnap me and adopt me as her son. Hey, I don’t mind. Ha!

Student Kidnapped# 1 – Mrs Chan
Mrs Chan was my Primary 5 form teacher and she teaches EVERYTHING! From English to Math to PE. I bet if she knows Malay, she would do a better job than my Malay teachers. :P The special thing about her is that she knows how to encourage students by praising them. I’ve never heard her say any condescending remarks to any 12 year old. But that does not mean she is a push-over.

Unfortunately, I believe she got into trouble with the school because she set a final Math exam papers too difficult to such an extent the school need to come up with a formula to make the students pass. The next thing I know she decides to transfer.

Anyway, when I was in Sec 1, my friend told me he bumped into her at a public place and she asked him how I was doing. Awww… after all those years, Mrs Chan still remembers me! :D

Years LaterMalay boy makes middle age teachers happy,
Evil Bunny!

Celebrating Hari Raya Overseas

So there Ramadan goes and Eid is finally here. Ironically, even though Eid is supposed to be a joyous occasion, I know some of you can’t be bothered with celebrating Eid. You feel uncomfortable wearing your baju kurung, you dislike the inconvenience of traveling to your relatives’ places under the hot sun, you get tired of eating ketupat after ketupat and chugging endless glasses of Sarsi and finally… the exhaustion of heading home late at night. It seems that Hari Raya was much more fun when you were a kid and since you are now all grown up, its starting to be a chore… Isn’t that true?

I understand your point of view because I too share the same sentiment and dreaded going through the whole Hari Raya routine… to such an extent I would only follow my family on the 1st day. And by the 2nd day of Hari Raya, I will be off spending time with my friends.

However, all that changed when I spent a bunch of Hari Raya overseas. What happens when a Malay guy lives in an Ang Moh country and get cut off from family, friends and everything Muslim and Malay? Let’s find out shall we… :)

No More Baju Kurung for you
I used to live in a part of Los Angeles with zero Malays. Trying to spot Malays overseas, at least in my area, is similar to spotting the elusive Bigfoot. Free roaming Malays are very rare and I get excited when I spot one in the bushes.

Rare MalayAnyway, before Hari Raya hits, my Mum would mail me a spanking new set of baju kurung, but I never did have enough courage to wear it outdoors. I bet those ang mohs will freak out.

I will only look like a confused homeless person wandering with his pajamas on. And the samping short skirt with the black cube songkok will just remind them of a bad Halloween costume. At least if I have a bunch of Malay friends, we can be seen together…. But the thought being stared at, alone on the bus, just doesn’t sit right with me… so that means, no Baju kurung for me on Hari Raya D:

Baju KurungWhat Hari Raya Songs?
When I was in Sg, the Engrish language is my preferred choice. I don’t know how I pass my Malay O levels to be honest with you. And there are some just Malay words I quite disagree. The most recent Malay word I learnt is “bagasi”, which means… luggage. Now who in the right mind would use bagasi? Even my Mum don’t use bagasi. Every Malay I know would use the word “bag” for any container than have straps and can hold stuff.

Malay class

My Malay teacher insisted we used the word “margasatua” (which means animals) instead of “binatang” or “haiwan”. Talk about being impractical.
*Teacher: From today onwards, instead of using the word “animals”
we are going to use the word “zoomorphic beings”.

Anyway, since I am Engrish- leaning, I would listen to bands like Nirvana , Pearl Jam and Radiohead. If I am caught with a CD of a Malay Rock song, I would be labeled as a “Mat Jiwang” (an annoyingly romantic Malay guy) and be an outcast by my image-is-everything bunch of “friends” back in the day. Anyway, just when I thought I don’t have any real need for the Malay language.. living in an Ang Moh country would literally make you miss listening and have conversations in Malay. I realize that the Malay language can give you a sense of belonging among other things.

It got so bad that I am asked my Mum to send me some P Ramlee Malay movies.. just so that I can hear somebody speak Malay. Malay rock songs that I would normally avoid suddenly becomes a must have and quickly filled my playlist on my iPod. Imagine being teary eyed listening to Ella’s “Pengemis Cinta” on the bus to work.. -__-“

“Pengemis Cinta” means Love Beggar.

Anyway, not living within in a large Malay community just means that you don’t get to hear Hari Raya songs on the radio. You will find yourself singing along to festive songs on YouTube instead, in front of the PC, all alone at night. Do you know how depressing that is?

No Family For You
When you are in Singapore, the 1st day of Raya would most probably mean you spending time with your family and visiting relatives. When I am overseas, the 1st day of Raya would mean having a meal at a burger place and watching a movie. -__- Followed by buying something for myself as a gift. Last couple of years, I bought a damn magazine to make me feel happy. Pathetic much? I mean, I just finished a month long fasting so I need to come up with something.. ANYTHING… to get the Raya vibes on.

By night time, I will have a routine session of long distance call to my family while I cry my eye balls out. :( How’s THAT for Hari Raya celebrations?

Hari Raya TearsNo Rendang for You!
What’s worse, after a couple of days goes by, my sister would post 50 + pics of food on her Facebook and tag my name on everyone of them! I have been eating burgers, sandwiches, burrito and salad for years and my throat is begging for a plate of beef rending, nasi minyak or satay..  I would commit murder plus rape and a side of vandalism for a cube of ketupat! :(

Since I can’t get any, I’ll just content myself with clicking on the “Like” button instead. Imagine browsing images of food late at night and clicking on the Like button of a half-chewed satay… in the trash. :( My sister is cruel.


I’m kidding you guys. I would never lick my PC monitor no matter
how strong the cravings get…. Or have I? :P

Your Body is Overseas, Your Heart is Elsewhere
Soon living overseas away from your family and friends will take its toll and you will find yourself researching for the cheapest flights just to go on short visits. The cheapest airline ticket I got was from a South Korean airline. Cost me USD$800 and it had a long 8 hour transit! Do you have any idea how its like to kill 8 hours without games or the internet? :P

Life in Singapore is very tough, no doubt about it! Opportunities in other countries are way better, no doubt about that. However, all I’m saying is, you gotta be aware and not take your family, relatives, close friends and your Hari Raya celebrations for granted. :)

Visit your relatives when weekend hits,
Evil Bunny

Police & Thief

There are a lot of games I played when I was in Primary School. And the one that sticks in my brain like a sore thumb is Police and Thief. Now P&T is not a new game. I’ve seen it played by other kids all over the world, they have slight different set of rules but the essence of the game, which is; a group of kids chasing another, remains the same.

So what is so different about the P&T played in my Primary School? The only one word to describe is… its an all out war! Ok, I used 4 words… that how intense it was. This war takes place every recess without fail. P&T is a boys games, the girls were too busy playing 5 stones and whatever stones they can get their hands on.

5 stones and zero point was the rave back then.

The game would start with the usually “Oh-Ah-Peh-Ah-Som”; the most legitimate, unbiased procedure of choosing one’s fate. (If only the United Nation used this technique, half of the world’s problems would be solved almost immediately!) Then the number of boys, usually around close to a 100, would be split 50-50. The leaders of the Police and Thief, (usually boys from the monolingual or extended classes. These guys repeated Primary 6 so many times, they started to grow beards) would exchange a few words and agree on a spot for the “prison”- the prison is usually something prominent like a fire hydrant, a big rock, but for our case, it’s a huge tree near our school field. Once that is done.. then all hell would break loose.

Even though the “Oh-Ah-Pei-Ah-Som” is a relatively simple procedure,
some idiot boy never fails to mess things up.

The leaders are supposed to be in Secondary 4
but they seem to be stuck at Primary 8.

The huge tree that acts as a “prison” but without the family visits.

Thieves would run like headless chickens and the police would chase after them like as if, they owed them money. When I say “catch”, I mean it’s a struggle with arm locks and stuff. Like cheetahs chasing after gazelles in the African heat, the Police would grab a collar, headlock to a grinding halt or twist an arm of something but boys being boys, these thieves would try to struggle.. some got away but sometimes you’ll land yourself in prison aka the big tree.

You can never compromise with the Police.

I have been caught numerous times and sitting on a root-protruding tree throughout recess is no fun. But the weird thing when I look back is that everybody followed rules. The captured thieves would be sitting near the tree waiting for some daring thief to tag them, they did not try to escape or cheat or anything like that. Maybe its due to the fact that there was no means of escape; the tree was tightly guarded by 10 other Police boys who would not budge, creating an impenetrable fortress. Even the guy from Prison Break can’t escape this tree-prison thing. I don’t even think Alcatraz is this tough. You get decent meals there, over at the tree, all you can do is watch ants crawl up your socks.

Then sometimes, a prisoner, usually a boy who have been spending too much time at the tree, so much so that, it’s beginning to impair his judgement, would have this bright idea. He would tell other prisoners to start a “thieves chain”.

“The Current”

Thieves would hold hands with other thieves and make this long line.. A last, desperate line for help, if you will. If an uncaptured thieve would just tap onto the end of the chain, the whole imprisoned thieves would technically “have the right” to be free.. The chain was called “the Current”, yes, we got it off Science class.

This technique went on for a while but after that, it got banned when the Police leader claimed that it was unfair. This guy acts as if he is the Singapore Police Commissioner. At least, that is what he aspires to be. (Sometimes this Police guys can get over board with the game. I remembered finishing a meal during recess, and I was munching on an epok-epok when suddenly 2 police boys came from nowhere and decided to drag me to the prison tree. I told them, I’m not playing today and my epok-epok will be cold if I don’t eat it soon. They ignored my pleas and soon I realize, I have to freaking eat my curry puff by the tree.)

The hi-light of the game is when you can see human drama intertwine with the game itself. There was once, almost 90% of the thieves have been caught. The tree was like Changi Prison, all packed with thieves guilty of petty crime. I was getting accustomed to living life at the tree. We’d sing prison carols, write letters to loved ones and talked about how it was like to be free men. We thought we were definitely gonna lose then… out of nowhere, a lone uncaptured thief decided to do the unthinkable. He decided to sacrifice himself for the rest of us. 1 life for many.

He barged through the tight security and the Police boys would pounce on him worse than the NYPD. He would crawl on the ground as the whole Police contingent wrestled him not to move. He kept on inching on the ground and finally his hand managed to tag one thief and the result was a massive prison break! All of us were free again. You can almost hear the Police leader howled in horror throughout the whole school! The thief that rescued us from the clutches of tyranny lost most of the buttons on his school uniform. His hair was a mess and dirt was on his face…. But to all of us thieves, he was a martyr.

One unselfish deed that affects thousands of lives.
We need more people like this in Singapore.

Sometimes the Police have their share of success. The Police managed to catch all the thieves again, and they realized it was just one thief boy left in the fields. The leader unleashed one of his fastest police boy, usually a boy who clocked first for his Physical Fitness test. You can almost see the drama in the distance.. 2 sole beings chasing each other. White flashes of white and green (our school uniform color) over the glistening wet grass. Everybody looked in anticipation. Then suddenly, the lone thief was caught and grounded. Then a deafening celebration followed.

P&T went on for a long while until a boy brought a tennis ball to school. They decided to hit the ball at each other on the field and thus “Bola Rembat” aka “Dodge ball” was born.

Yesterday kids played games, today’s kids play MSN,
Evil Bunny

The Joke Box

Before the internet came to be, TV was very popular. I watched A LOT of TV and one of my favorite programs only second to cartoons are those art and crafts for children. You know how it goes, they would teach and demonstrate us young viewers on how to make a mouse from construction paper and a pair of scissors. After watching, I would try it all. Cardboard tanks, flying war planes and even paper dolls. But one day, I saw an episode called the “Joke Box” and that was the beginning of a downward spiral.

The Joke Box was suppose to be a joke dispensing machine but without the technical gadgetry. You are suppose to sit yourself in this box and wait for “customers” to slot coins and in return you are to slip a joke which you have prewritten on a piece of paper. They even taught you how to make a cardboard knob to let customers choose what sort of jokes they want- Knock-knock jokes, one-liners, riddles etc. I was 9 years old then and to me this was brilliant. Why didn’t I thought about that before? And it so happened that my parents, just bought a spanking new refrigerator and that means I had a huge box for my disposal. Perfect!

The Joke Box is made out of cardboard with nice paint designs on it.

The Joke Box on TV was pretty, it had all sort of design and the guy took his box to the streets. People were slotting in coins like no tomorrow. It looked like a lot of fun. Soon, armed with some magic markers and a cutter, I started to work on mine. It didn’t look as fancy as the one on TV but everything was there. A huge sign, a knob I made out of an egg carton and I even made up like a dozen jokes.

I didn’t have a lot of paint so I guess my box would just be in its natural color, brown. By this time, my annoying sister is already on my case, telling me that nobody is gonna give me any money and my joke box is a joke itself. But I’m determined to prove her wrong. I don’t have to pay rent space and I had zero overheads, it’s just a box, people. Any money that comes in is pure net profit! As soon as the money starts rolling I’m so gonna patent this idea!

Basically, the Joke Box has 5 important requirements.
No.1: You need a sign that says “Joke Box”
No. 2: You poke holes on the cardboard box.
This feature is for you to speak to your customers.
No.3: You cut a small slit for customers to insert coins.
No.4: You cut a larger slit so you can dispense your jokes on small pieces of paper.
No. 5: The knob also made out of cardboard let customers choose what sort of jokes that want. eg knock-knock jokes, one liners, funny riddles etc
No.6: You are suppose to sit inside the box to wait for a customer.

Don’t you just love your siblings sometimes.

I place my Joke Box near the staircase of the HDB flat. Whenever a stranger went up or down the flight of stairs, I would hold my breath and brace myself. I have a fistful of jokes scribbled on paper and I was psyche to sell my first joke. But nobody seem to take notice. They didn’t even took the time to stop and read my sign. Being inside the box was horrible. I kept sweating even though I was armed with one of hand held fan. It was very dark and I had to rely on the light that’s coming from the box cracks. My sister was of course taunting me and laugh every time a stranger ignores me. I realized that I have to market my box in a different way. Location is everything.

As you can see, my sister is having a hell of a time.

I took my box and place it in the middle of the voiddeck. Surely, people will notice me now. I can so see it, they will swarm my Joke Box like how MacDonalds sold their Hello Kitties. But hours passed by and nobody came. I started to get bored. The only hi-light of the day was when the wind blew the box, exposing me inside. Now THAT was bad for business. It’s a good thing my customers did not see that; my future shareholders will not be pleased. As disappointed as I was, I finally told myself that this idea is not gonna work. But on a high note, I did got one customer. It was my sister.

Me with a fistful of jokes, getting exposed at the void deck.

She went downstairs, turned the knob, chose a Knock-knock joke and paid me with currency that was accepted by millions of kids all over the world; candy. I was elated.

Looking back, I finally realized why the Joke box did not work. It needs advertising.

Rabbit in a box,
Evil Bunny

I am a Rescue Ranger

Note: This article is written way back when the website used static html and not the WordPress platform its on now.

A friend of mine told me to join this blogging competition recently. First of all, I wasn’t aware that I was blogging. I don’t like blogs; they all look the same. Then, I realized that you can have customized graphics on your blog. I got an email a few weeks back from some guy stating that blogs will soon take over personal websites. “The silent revolution is happening :) Get on board or be road kill :)

I didn’t appreciate that. I don’t want to be road kill:( Too many of my friends died that way…

Another brother victim to roadkill. I’ll get your revenge for you before you’re buried, Mr. Hops! Bunnies for life! (Man, I gotta stop listening to Tupac while I’m working.)

As much as I told myself, whatever these kids can do, I can do better, but crap, it dawned upon me that I can’t keep up. I can’t tell my manga from my xanga. I thought technorati is the latest beat Bengs have on their Ipods. Heck, I can barely customize my wallpaper on Friendster.

So blogs or websites; I’m here to write. The representative told me that “the theme is free for interpretation”. Right. Sounds like a trap to me. I was totally immersed writing 5 pages worth on my grandma’s undies but I told myself that I’m sure to go out of point. So I’m playing it safe and since the competition is titled, “Yesteryears,” I’ll write about my youth instead and that people, is a long ass time ago. Be warned that unfortunately, what you gonna read below are true accounts of real events.

Come join me in my time machine! I’ll bring you back to ’87!

I did a lot of dumb thing when I was a kid but this one tops my list. You might not know this but, I am very influenced to this box called TV. Whatever is shown on it, I would try to imitate it or create my version of it. While Hulk Hogan was giving a body slam on Andre the Giant, I was slamming my bolster nearby. When the cartoon Mask came on at 6:30pm, I was watching it with my Dad’s motorbike helmet on. As you can see I was a victim of American TV and I’m soaking EVERYTHING that was thrown at me like a sponge.

Cartoons from the 80s kick ass big time!

Then this new series of cartoons called the “Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers” got it’s debut. No it’s not those lame Power Rangers you have now. It was from Walt Disney and it showed 2 cartoon chipmunks saving the day using everyday items like paper clips and everyday items. These sort of cartoons should be banned because it started to affect my 9-year old boy brain. I watched it so much, that subliminal messages started to fill my head;
“Why can’t I be a Rescue Ranger?”
“Why should they have all the fun?”
“They used everyday objects? Heck, I have everyday objects piled up in my messy room so might as well use them to vanquish evil.”

Rescue Rangers didn’t wear anything fancy like Superman so I got no problem with getting the right gear. Rescue Rangers was a pair so I got my younger sister to be my sidekick. (She is usually my sidekick in everything cause as a candy craving 6 year old, her schedule was pretty open most of the time.) Just when you thought that all kids played dressed up once in their childhood, I brought it up a notch and started to make a poster. I was kinda good at drawing so I made this killer poster of my sister and me with our arms crossed.

I even designed a logo with a lightning bolt to show we mean business. Then came the tough part- What sort of services do we have to offer? The Rescue Rangers on TV rescued other talking cartoon characters but since we live in a real world, I gotta find real problems for my sister and me to tackle. So we both decided that we should save humanity from the evils of roaches and other creepy crawlies. Nevermind that we are terrified of roaches, we the Rescue Rangers will destroy them nonetheless. How? We didn’t exactly thought about that. So basically, this Rescue Ranger thing is fast turning into a pest control business.

Okay, so we both wore jackets, I had a cap on and my sister got herself some shades. Our poster was ready and we wanted some opinion and we asked our Dad. My Dad took one look at it and said that it was a great idea! But he said it was missing something.

A replica of the poster I made.

We were too preoccupied about how cool the whole thing was that we didn’t even thought about how we gonna “destroy” the pests.

Before I go on, let us take 2 steps back. I would like to tell you that my Dad is not your typical Dad. He does not deal with discipline; that’s my Mum’s job. He’s what I call a “Fun Dad”. He would wrestle with us even though he just got back from 12-hour shifts. He would buy toys from Toys’ R’ Us every December when he got his bonus without fail. When I say toys, I’m not talking about 1 or 2 lame figurines.

I’m talking about big a$$ headquarters, 6 figurines; 3 good guys and 3 bad guys and complete with other cars or motorbikes that came along with it. That itself would keep me busy for months. Thanks Dad! :) So you have to understand where he is coming from when he made that statement.

My Dad.

So our eyes lit and I took my black marker and wrote our home phone number in bold. Things would be fine if we just stop there, but my boy brain kept pushing. We got some money from Dad and went to the nearest stationary shop to make copies of the poster. How many pieces you say? 5? 10? What about 100? And after we had 1 ream of A4 size Rescue Rangers posters complete with our phone numbers, me and my sister went to the neighbouring blocks to distribute them into letterboxes. Now you know why the government got those new locks for your mailbox because kids like us keep shoving crap in it. Haha!

Junk mail campaign

There you have it folks. At age 9, I have successfully executed my first direct mail campaign. It was a cheap form of advertising and I can also target my potential customers. Very effective indeed. Everything went smoothly until Mum found out cause my sister had to blab when we were eating our dinner. We didn’t get the cane but we got one hell of a lecture. My Mum is an interrogator and executioner all in one. CID should employ my Mum, that way, they can cut costs. Even my Dad got an a$$ whopping.

As you can see, nothing escapes this woman.

So I guess that’s about it. I hope you like this article and maybe it will give you an inside look on why I do the things that I do. When I look back, it was pretty embarrassing, heck I’m blushing as I type this. But oh well, all kids do silly things right?

But not all kids understand the effectiveness of direct mail,
Evil Bunny

PS: I got no call back from the 100 posters we distributed. I had one neighbour kid saying that she saw the “ad” and asked whether it was done by us. We flatly denied.